My take on managers

Now this observation could very well get my in a lot of trouble but seeing as how I'm retired now, meh why not!

I've worked with many different types of managers over the years and notice how I said with there, not for.  We'll get to them later.

The old school belief is that the door team run the front door, it's their call who comes in and should never be belittled in front of customers for what should be obvious reasons.  Once overruled by a manager a doorman loses all control over that individual and renders him useless and pointless him being there!

Sadly this does increasingly happen particularly in trendy wannabe nightclubs where profit dictates all.  This is a terrible way to manage a venue as it just becomes a ticking time bomb with doormen feeling they can't say or do anything or they'll lose their jobs.  Not the best or most secure environment really! Larger clubs who are guaranteed heavy foot traffic are usually ran well as the  manager is far too busy to be worrying about who is in the venue, the door team will have received instruction previously about dress code, VIPs etc and should be left alone to do their jobs, I've been there and this works very well.  

In smaller venues who are trying to be something they're not however you can get a manager who is always on the front door calling the shots, this never works well and nearly always leads to problems between management and doorstaff as doorstaff feel they need to ask permission at every turn this reducing their authority directly in the eyes of the public.   It's a shame but still happens.

On the flip side though you can get a Manager who supports you totally and I can't tell you what a relief that is.  For me I have the most respect for two of my most recent managers at different venues in York,  Jason who is an ex doorman of many years who is still licensed and Vicky, a straight talking gal from the north east. 

 Now with Jason you may think that a manager who also still has a door licence is a recipe for disaster but far from it, Jason gave me full control from the get go, I could talk to him and he never overruled me once.  I do remember one busy Saturday afternoon spotting an idiot about to take a leak in our entrance passageway mere meters away from us! Jason couldn't contain himself and pushed the guy firmly out of the venue, then apologized to me for losing his temper!  I think the restraint he showed was amazing to be honest given the guys attitude at the time!

Vicky was similar but unfortunately being a 'boro girl you had to usually calm her down before you could throw whoever it was out!  

Do you know who I am 2!

You meet a few minor celebrities every now and then as a doorman and when I was working in a nightclub last year we happened to get some of these folk meeting and greeting customers.  

We had some guys from the tv programme Geordie Shore in one night well I think it was Geordie Shore it could quite easily have been Made in Chelsea, can you tell how much it grabbed my interest!  I was only aware that we had one celeb in and, not watching the show myself I thought I'd best google a pic of him so I knew who I was supposed to be looking after!  I needn't have bothered though because he was so orange from overtanning he stuck out like a sore thumb, he seemed a nice bloke and was very polite and thankful which was a pleasant surprise.  

We barriered off the raised 'gallery' area of the club and he had his own little party going on with plenty of girls queuing to get his attention, after a while though the head doormanc who was enjoying being up there amongst all the young girlies, came to the entrance and told me to stop letting anyone up now as it was getting too busy up there.   So I started turning people away at the front, now em people want to do something in a club and you stop them they're not impressed, it doesn't matter that you can clearly see how busy it it, as far as they are concerned you are solely responsible for ruining their night and they will tell you that!  I must have been there for ten minutes or so when a tall, wavy haired pretty boy came up to me to go up and join the party.

"Sorry fella its too busy up there at the moment." I told him.

He looked irritated and then said, 

"Don't you know who I am little man?"

Little man?  Really?  Is that a good idea to say that to a doorman?  You twat.  Yep I thought all the above and then said

"It's just too busy up there mate."

"Don't you watch tv, don't you know who I am?" Came the condescending reply from the man. 

I noticed the heavy tan and the penny dropped that he must be with our minor celeb, he certainly had the attitude for a male diva!

I leaned forward and spoke in his ear

"No I don't know who you are, and in six months time no one else will either, now wind your neck in and be a bit nicer, it gets you further."

Not a word came back in reply, he actually looked like I'd been the first to tell him just how short lived his career was likely to be!

Tools of the trade?

No I don't mean weapons that's not allowed although I have seen my share of knuckledusters and gloves with sand filled knuckles!  

I'm referring to the items you can buy to make your job a little easier and safer, from the top down there's the obvious hat in winter if you're allowed to wear one because believe me it gets chilly at 5 am on a winters night!   Then of course there's as decent earpiece as you can afford, preferably an in ear type as there's less chance of background noise, there are skeleton type earpieces and over the ear types but I'd only use one of these if I was going to be outside all night.

Venues should also provide earbuds and in some places I'd say wear them all the time as I'm sure some of the noise levels are crazy high and you do tend to spend a lot of time very close to speakers as these are typically situated to provide good sound coverage, this also means chances are high they are also in good visual vantage points of a venue.  There been plenty of times when I've been home for hours and my heads still been banging with the noise of the club I've been in earlier!

Never wear sunglasses on the door, for one if you get hit you're likely to damage your eyes, for another you look totally unapproachable, and like a tit.

Clip on ties are a must and should be provided by your door company or if you freelance then make sure you get one!  It's a lot harder for someone to grab and choke you with your own tie if its not attached to you!   This also brings a little humour every now and then when someone grabs your tie near some stairs ...... The pause of realisation as their face registers the fact that they're gonna fall is quite comical! 

Thermals, top and bottom in winter if you're outside because again it's bloody freezing sometimes! 

Overcoats, 3/4 length "crombies" are fantastic for keeping warm in winter and I think look very smart over a black suit too, make sure you get one that fits well and you can still move quickly and freely in it if necessary!   Unless you happen to actually be Wesley Snipes never, ever wear a 3/4 or full length leather jacket on the door, you are not Blade and you look like a tit!

Gloves, I prefer long leather ones to minimise the wind coming up your sleeves in winter but make sure again you get a pair you can actually grab someone in if you need to, there's nothing worse than losing grip on someone to have them run away or worse, hit you!

Footwear,  I tend to get into the same habit of looking after my feet, after all its rare for a doorman to get a sit down at work so you can spend long periods of time walking or standing in one spot so a good strong pair of boots with ankle support is highly recommended, ankle support particularly so as its easy to jar or sprain your ankle when dragging someone to the door who doesn't want to leave!   I prefer to wear 2 pairs of socks, a thin and then thicker pair to keep warm and allow my feet to breathe, if its going to be a long hot shift I quite often use a foot powder in my socks first, may sound strange but after 6-8 hours in a hot club in boots I'd rather have dry rather than sweaty feet!

On top of this there's a few things you can get to help you, first and foremost?  A pen and notepad, when an incident happens if you write the details straight down it makes reports and dealing with things easier and looks more professional to the public and police alike.

A UV light on a keyring, cheap as chips and perfect for checking ID's for the "watermark" only visible under Ultraviolet light.

A torch, a mini maglight will do nicely and makes it easier to check ID's and check areas of the floor when someone inevitably loses something!

There are other little bits n pieces I've seen over the years but these are the ones I've stuck with myself as they've helped me out, there is one final item I'd like to mention I just hope no one ever needs to use it, a stab vest, there are certain areas and venues which are extremely dangerous and if you're working or thinking of working in one of these then definitely give it some consideration, there are many types out there and I myself have worn one on many occasions after being stabbed in the arm and hand, it's not a nice thought but its very little financial outlay for something which could potentially save your life.

What happens when a tazer doesn't work!

Thankfully none of the following happened on the door I was working at, I was in Scarborough at the Blue lounge bar listening to the council run CCTV operators following a frequently violent man well known to the police.  He had made one of his random appearances in the town centre and had proceeded to start a fight in the first pub he'd managed to get into, presumably the door staff there didn't know or recognise him but when they had gone to remove him he'd beaten both of them up!   I listened as a member of bar staff was relaying what had just happened to the CCTV operator who acknowledged that he had the man on camera and he was following him as he walked into town.

I could tell from the radio chatter that he was heading in our direction so began to lookout for him in the distance.  Luckily police units had been notified and as I caught sight of the man they were just passing my door.  As soon as they stopped near him he became immediately aggressive and went for one of the police officers, the other jumped on top of him but from what we could see he just seemed to be beating them back!   Two more police units appeared, one came past my door and the other from the far end of the street, presumably in case he decided to run but to be honest he looked like he was enjoying himself!  

This made 6 police officers surrounding him and we could hear an officer shout that he was going to tazer the man unless he stopped,  his response? 

"Come on then!!"

We heard the officer warn him again then the man moved forwards so the officer shouted tazer a few times and we saw the man bend over sharply, he then stood back up with arms out screaming "aaaargh!"   And went straight for the copper who had tazered him!   

We could see a huge scuffle unfold and after 30 seconds or so the man was back on his feet with his back to a wall shouting every name under the sun at the police!  Then the strangest thing happened, he looked at the police in front of him and shrugged his shoulders and shouted "I'll make it easy for ya!"

Holding his arms out wrists together ready to be handcuffed!   It felt like an eternity before two of the coppers moved slowly forwards and cuffed the man who was now as calm as anything!   I dunno maybe he just got bored but I'm glad he didn't head our way first! 

A bit of a bio and why I do this job!

That's a question that the answer to has changed quite a lot over the years.

At first I was angry, I mean really angry, I'd had a hard childhood with a father who'd mentally tortured me for years as well as beating the shit out of me when he deemed necessary, couple that with days spent at school in Scotland being from England by birth meant the hatred was pretty deep from a lot of people and bullying was rife, including some of the teachers!  I started doing martial arts but to be honest the hold my father had on me was so strong I didn't stand up for myself for many years.  I tried to move away but that didn't work so in a fit of rage walked into the recruiting office of the local infantry regiment and joined up! Not the best move given my mental state but I'm old fashioned in a lot of ways and I still think military service should be mandatory in this country, I mean look at the Scandinavians, they still do it with exceptions for university and certain jobs etc, they seem to be a pretty happy, and definitely prosperous group of countries and more importantly, the people are nice! 

But I digress, I'd been away from home for a while at this point and still hadn't faced up to my father but I'd changed into a very angry young man, I didn't stay in the army which was probably for the best although I've wondered a few times what would have happened if I'd made a career out of it.   I moved back to Newcastle where I'd made a few friends and met a girl who's family had connections to nightclubs and a door company, there's a blog entitled my first night on the door where I basically got the shit kicked out of me but because I'd got stuck in to help another doorman who was on the ground, I was in.  This was my new family as there's a bond between doormen, more so the older school guys.  The guys really were your brothers in arms in the real world where we could say and do pretty much what we liked, and did.  

So then I loved it, fighting every weekend and getting all my adrenaline out and seeing my fathers face with every guy I hit.  And I'm ashamed of myself for that and have been for quite a while.  

I came home from work one night early and caught my girlfriend in bed with my flatmate, I may have done something violent, to him not her and called her dad who I was friendly with to come get her.  I decided to move back to Yorkshire having last lived here when I was 10 and wanted a fresh start and also wanted to see my grandma who I missed very much being the only family member I ever felt close to, I think it was her influence that first led to me stopping wanting to fight all the time and look for something else instead.  Unfortunately if you're a doorman it's a hard job to give up sometimes when the phones ringing and money is on offer, so it wasn't long before I was back at it in Leeds but this time not so in the mood for a fight, I'd started to see what happens to people when they got hurt and it had started to sink in what I'd been like before.  I still enjoyed the job but almost treated it like a day at the office for years with people being amazed at the situations I found myself in, but as the saying goes its amazing what you can get used to!  

So by this time I was a career doorman rising area manager level and being head doorman pretty much every place I worked.   Bizarrely this period in my life was probably the worst for me personally so I threw myself into my work, running doors first in Scarborough then Brighouse then Scunthorpe.  It was here I reached my limit with certain doormen and as I had moved around so much I felt very unsettled so took a break from the doors for a while to try and get myself back on track.

That phone always rings though and I soon found myself back on the doors but this time with no interest in being a head doorman anymore, by this point I'd seen and experienced first hand some of the nastiest things that can happen to and around a doorman so my perspective changed quite a lot.  I discovered that when I helped people, as I'd always tried to do when possible, I really got something out of it, as in it made me feel good to help someone or protect someone who needed it.   There's no better feeling than stopping a bully and throwing him out or helping a girl who's been grabbed inappropriately,  they don't always thank you but when they do or their friends come up to you remembering how you helped them its truly an amazing feeling.  

That's the answer now to why I do this job, cos believe me I actually hate it these days and know I'm coming to the end of my run but what keeps me going?  Helping people who can't or are too scared to help themselves, that's what.  Why do I put myself in harms way every week?  Well if you've ever known someone normal and nice who's got hit on a night out for no reason then that's why I try and help, if they get hit it may mentally scar them for quite a while so better me taking a knock than them, after all with no sense there's no feeling! 

Does being a bouncer affect your social life?

Well that's another one of those questions I've been asked many times over the years.  The short answer is Yes! Of course it does!

Before anyone starts or decides to keep working as a doorman for any length of time you need to remember the strain that comes along with working such late, unsociable hours.  Sure many doormen make the most of it but you do find yourself socializing mostly with people in the same industry as yourself due to lack of options as when you finish work at 04:30 am you're kinda limited for the social aspect and nearly everyone is mortal drunk except for the other people who've just finished work too!   

It's not just the late nights either as making plans for the following day means the mornings are usually a write off too.  So be under no illusions this line of work means you'll be regularly going to bed when its daylight and getting up in the afternoon!

Leading on from this though is the strain and toll being a doorman can take on your relationships too, I'm 35 and still single with no kids and although I can't blame it all on the doors it has certainly been a major part of why I'm still on my own!   Sometimes it's ok when you start dating someone and they don't mind you being a doorman, but quite often girls realize quickly that you're gonna see and speak to, other girls!   Shock and horror there and the questions begin, only once have I ever dated a girl who never questioned me about the doors and wow, I'd got so used to having to answer questions that when they didn't come I almost wanted to check she was ok!   Then there's the gossip which, for me at least, has destroyed several relationships I've had, sadly the gossip in my case came from other doormen who knew nothing about my personal life but still decided to stir and spread rumors.  That's something that's happened to more than one doorman I've known, and even after you hear it if you do anything about it at all, you'll be in the wrong, I had to tell one guy I knew "ten men Ben" to come get in the ring or shut his mouth as after a while it kinda gets to you and he'd done it twice over several years causing me no end of hassle talking about stuff he knew nothing about!  

Then there's the stress of taking the job home with you, I knew one doorman who used to watch Disney films to wind down and play Judo to get the aggression out, worked for him but I'm still trying to find my outlet! 

Of course a lot of doormen haven't done the rest of us any favors by being complete and total womanizers their entire career, and yes whilst having a wife and kids at home!  We're not all like that of course but sadly it's a stigma that gets attached to you as long as you do the job, I mean I've had people saying to girls I've dated that because I'm a doorman, it'll never work.  Great thanks for that!  And people wonder why we get angry sometimes, maybe it's just because we hear the same shit all the time regardless of whether we've done anything or not! 

Skanky girls

Now I'm not gonna just sit here and slag girls off as I'm well aware men are just as bad but some of the things girls do and say are just shocking.

I'd easily say that some of the most viscous fights I've ever seen are between girls and sadly I've witnessed more that one girl hit another in the face with a glass or in some cases high heels!   An angry girls high heels can seriously injure you or someone else if she stamps on you foot but I have seen a girl take one off then try to stab another girl in the head with one!  

Hair pulling, scratching, spitting and screaming, there's a reason it's called a cat fight and just seeing one and the evil in the eyes is a scary thing!

Some girls use their sex as a weapon making false accusations and not giving a damn about the consequences regardless of whether an incident was their fault or not or whether the doorman who pulled you off someone actually did grope your boobs or did nothing of the sort!  I knew one doorman who was accused of just this but luckily the CCTV brought a swift end to this thankfully, crying wolf isn't cool in fact it's pretty disgusting especially to people nasty things really have happened to!

The most shocked I've been was when a girl came onto me, 

"Have you got a girlfriend?"

"Yes I have"

"Oh well fuck her off and fuck me tonight she'll never know"

Words escape me.

The same girl who said this to me also blanked me some years later when I tried to be polite, two minutes later she was in a fight and screaming for my help!  

I'd like to say I turned a blind eye but I didn't, well only for a few seconds anyway! 

Maybe it's my age but I live in Yorkshire, where we have 6 months of rain and six months of bad weather, so why girls don't take a jacket out sometimes is crazy to me, especially as jackets are clothing and therefore should be fashionable as well as clothes are?  But no, every night into three or four am you still have girls stumbling to the front door wearing next to nothing and shivering as their exposed stomachs and legs scream for warmth!

How to work a door

Firstly I wouldn't dream of saying I can teach you how to work a door because the truth is I can't, the only person who can know if you can work a door is you, and you won't know that until you're tested.   It's all very well saying you can look after yourself and to comment on how easy the job looks a lot of the time, but could you really do it?  Many people comment that all we do is stand around and talk to people all night. Well for one its our Job to stand around and increasingly it's also our job to represent the venue by chatting to customers so we appear more approachable and put people at ease more.  This is all well and good but it takes years of practice to look at a room and read the people in it, and even then you miss things, I've also been told by an old school doorman that it is indeed a skill in itself to be able to chat away to people whilst still looking around and monitoring the area.

That brings us to my main point, the kickoffs, when a proper fight starts and people are trying to hurt each other it's your job to stop it, and how you deal with it and the injuries you sustain whilst doing so will determine whether you can keep coming back and doing it again because when its real and in your face very little can prepare you for the anger and aggression heading your way. 

Size means nothing and it does become a case of, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.  

Plenty of young lads get their licence and then think its fun times and easy money ahead, a great deal of these guys have never stood in harms way before and must genuinely believe that drunken customers will show them respect and do as they are told, oh what a shock some of them get!   

It's not a requirement of being a doorman but it sure helps if you have had some sort of physical training, I mean what makes people think they can physically stop someone or fight someone if they have to with no experience at all?  Military experience is of course the best as you can't get much more real life than that and receive serious hands on training as well as being physically fit.   

Rugby is one of the most common sports doormen used to play as its pretty close to how a scrap on the door can go down and involves plenty of hands on grappling and struggling against others body weights.

The martial arts offer vital instruction on self defence and a wide array of techniques that can assist you on the door but be wary, a tiny slip can be in some cases lethal so unless you practice a move so much your body knows how to react I wouldn't bother, you'll only end up in court defending yourself after being charged! 

Tech on the doors

Technology for the most part has greatly assisted us in the safe running of many doors and many problems can be avoided simply by having a city's CCTV operators monitor the situation and make that fact known!  After all even the drunkest of idiots knows that whoever throws the first punch is the usually the one who gets charged.

The use of radio communication is now part of most venues licences and rightly so, I've worked venues with none and relying purely on being noticed when a fight kicks off in a busy, darkened bar isn't a nice feeling!  I've been in venues when the radios were so bad we used to walk around with our thumb over the speaker to feel the vibration of someone transmitting because the earpiece socket didn't work.   Earpieces themselves have improved greatly although still pick up a great deal of background noise making it difficult to understand transmissions on occasions.  A way around this is to buy a throat mike as they're known which pick up the vibrations from your voice box through your throat, unfortunately unless you have a high quality or rather an expensive one they do tend to make you sound like a robot and are just as difficult to understand! 

In one venue I worked in Scarborough we had a panic button built in to the radio so if we heard a loud beep we checked each doormans static location and if they weren't there, that's where we charged to!  Crude but effective and better than our previous method of using hand signals!

Some venues CCTV was diabolical with grainy black and white images and in some cases delayed recording, this meant that the camera would take a picture every half a second or so which, when played back would flicker as you viewed it.  This system actually saved a doorman I was working with from potentially getting charged one night as he was on the front door of a bar and was getting a lot of aggravation from a young man who wanted to come in, after what seemed like an age the doorman lost his cool and when the young man was in range let fly a quick right straight which sent the lad flying backwards.  Out of order of course and when we looked at the CCTV, because of the delay and the speed of the punch all you can see is the lad in the doormans face and then he's not there anymore!  Lucky escape for him and probably a contributing factor into why they had to be improved!  

Local authority operated CCTV is vital in assisting the police and doorstaff track offenders and just people who shouldn't be let in anymore, we regularly use the system to inform other venues about people who have caused us problems to help keep the real idiots out of everywhere they can cause trouble or hurt people. 

Of course the system is only as good as the operators who monitor it and for the most part do a fantastic job but sadly some of them must think they're watching a tv show instead of real life as they don't seem to understand that when we ask them to monitor our door and ask for police assistance and then stop transmitting, it means we can't!   I've sat there myself and listened to the operator try to raise the door in question and then start slagging them off for not giving him more information!   Sometimes you just bloody can't and if whoever you're dealing with see's you on a radio can attack you without warning because I've been there too.  I understand they they have rules and directives they have to follow but common sense must surely take precedence sometimes in the interest of everyone's safety!   I should mention at this point that there are some fantastic CCTV operators out there and I knew one in particular who used to stay an extra hour after his shift finished, just so he could give us help if we needed it at a particularly troublesome venue, top notch there.   I do remember on one occasion I had an idiot on my front door and the doorman I was with was doing a check inside, I had to put the lad down and before I could reach for my radio I heard the street radio as we call it crackle to life "not sure if you can hear me but I was monitoring that idiot I've got a police unit on the way to you now!"  Cheers buddy and a quick thumbs up to the camera.   

When using a radio you should always check your transmission and receiving capabilities, this is the same for the street radios and when I'm feeling particularly jovial I do like to sign off with a 

"Spank you very much control, this is ...... Signing off, good night!"

Why people think we're arses ... These days

Well primarily I'd say it's because we tell people what to do and as far as most people who've had a drink are concerned, doormen are just people like them and have no right to tell them anything.  Or that's what they truly seem to believe.

I've had people say they're going to bring a policeman to me and have him make me let them in!  Good luck I say and well done for wasting police time, lets get it straight right from the start, we can refuse entry to anyone at any time and we DO NOT have to give a reason.  We usually do of course and for the most part we even try to explain to people what they can and can't do, quite why people think they can have a slash in the road in front of me and then come in is beyond me but then I'm sober I suppose! It's the same with age and dress code, it's a busy Saturday night so you walk the queue checking ID's saying over 21's tonight folks, to be greeted by ID's saying 18, I mean do you think I can't read or do maths?   And when I say not quite the right dress code for a Saturday night there guys, to the kids wearing faded t shirts and crappy trainers, I don't mean explain to me how much your t shirt and trainers cost when they were new I mean put a shirt on and make an effort! 

When the sign says no sportswear it means exactly that, and what's wrong with it like?  As I'm frequently asked, because you look like a chav that's why!

Not long ago four young lads were coming in on a Sunday night and I was on the front door listening to their conversation, the entry fee was £3 each so £12 in total, they had exactly that between them and couldn't understand why I wouldn't let them in!   It ain't no youth club or cinema and if you can't buy a drink then either you're gonna steal one or drink water, we don't want thieves inside and one drinking water is fine, but 4? I don't think so because once again people forget we're also here to help the venue make money!

They're like sheep I tell you!

A quote from a classic, Men in Black, 

"A person is smart, people are dumb, dangerous animals.." 

Never a truer phrase spoken when dealing with crowds of people, countless times over a doormans career he'll have to deal with groups of queuing people and very recently I was reminded about just how stupid crowds of people are, and dangerous.   

We had a relaunching of a popular student night at the nightclub I work at recently, as with all nightclubs we try to get as many people in as early as possible but inevitably large groups arrive at the same time creating a backlog of queues as people pay and check their jackets and handbags.  On this night thou it seemed as thou every student on the area decided to converge on us at the same time, I had only been at work around twenty minutes when I was called to the front door the help Marshall the queue forming, well formed really as our rope and metal barriers were full and the pavement was filled four or five people wide stretching a hundred yards to the entrance of the neighbouring bar!   At first people were moving steadily through but then started to bunch as more and more people joined the main queue to get in.  I was with another doorman watching for people carrying on when a surge happened as some idiots had decided to push people forwards, this of course creates a knock on affect and I could see a few people on the far side of the wall of people getting squashed against the railings on the street.  I forget his name as I've never worked with him before but he looked at me and said, " we're gonna have to get in the middle and create a break mate".  As he said this the fools pushing did it once again and more people looked to be stumbling and getting squeezed so we pushed out way into the centre of the queue shouting as we did for people to back off and stop moving forwards.   It's a dangerous situation as we're only two doormen standing lower than a massive crowd trying to stop them moving and crushing someone, not an easy task!   As someone at the back pushed again we steadied ourselves then I proper started shouting!   I must have looked like a lunatic having a go at the people at the back shouting if I saw anyone push anyone else id bar them for life cos they were gonna hurt someone etc etc!   But it seemed to work as the queue behind us started to thin and create some space so we waited, lord knows how long, holding this massive group of people back shouting at them to stop moving as they constantly kept edging forwards!   Eventually though enough space was created so we slowly let the rest of the queue move up and spread out not looking the most impressed of doormen! That was a potentially dangerous situation but not long after I was called to help deal with the other queue which was the "we're sold out so wait and see queue" even as the main queue emptied we were at capacity so it was a "one in, one out" situation.  Now you explain this to people and as we only ever let two to three people in at a time you'd think that if were in that queue and you saw two or three people going in you move slowly forwards and wait another five mins or so before doing the same, but oh no, as soon as anyone went into the club the entire queue moved as one bunching even closer to the door!  So straight in the middle I went and again the shouting began, this time thou it was irritated shouting as the queue was massively smaller so when I stood in the middle of a two person wide queue of around 30 people and some people went in behind me I couldn't believe when they all moved forwards towards me!   "Stop walking!"  I shouted, still they moved slowly forwards, "seriously what is wrong with you lot, where do you think you're moving to you can see there's no where to go will you stop walking!"  They did but all I can remember is 30 or so blank faces, dumb, dangerous animals.

My first night on the door

Well at the time I was seeing a girl in Newcastle so was living in the area and thinking of staying if I could find work.  Back then most door companies were owned by slightly dodgy blokes shall we say and the girl I was seeings family was related (by marriage) to one of these guys, her dad had seen me in a scrap or two on a night out in the 'toon centre as its called or the big market for the locals and said I'd kept my cool and handled myself well so recommended I go speak to "big tony" as he was called.   I'm six foot and was about 13 stone (82kilos) at the time.  Now that's fairly sized and athletically built but back then size was everything and smaller doormen really had to prove themselves to the big boys.

Tony wasted no time in commenting on my weight or lack of it and said he hoped I could get stuck in to make up for it but with Dave saying I was ok he'd give me a go this Friday night.

Champion.

I really didn't know what to expect with my first shift I arrived and was told to back everyone up and they'd watch mine.  

Keep my mouth shut and do as I was told and they wouldn't tell me they'd shout it because we didn't have radios.

Not knowing any different I did as I was told for the first few hours then was left on my own watching part of the dance floor.  It was getting close to the end and the crowd was thinning out so I could see the other doormen easily when one suddenly rushed towards the front door, moments later the other guys started heading that way too so I followed suit thinking it best to keep with the team, I half jogged through the entrance corridor to the front reception area into the Wild West.  

I found out afterwards that the front door had been rushed by a group of men who'd been turned away and it had got nasty straight away which had led to the first doorman running straight there, that being the signal for everyone else to follow suit, guess they hadn't expected it, after all there's only so much you can learn in one night so they hadn't told me that.  The only thing I did know was I had to get involved somehow so I rushed forwards to help a doorman I could see wrestling with a guy in the street, the only thing was I hadn't checked around me first and went into the street blind, straight into a man swinging a baseball bat!   That's right folks back then in city centres people used to go out, tooled up as they call it, from what I hear in Liverpool it's Stanley knives so glad I've never worked there! 

As I charged forwards the bat came swinging and I went right into its path blocking it with my forearm, and head. 

I was knocked out for the count and incredibly lucky not to have been seriously injured not just by the bat but also for being unconscious in the middle of a fight!   My forearm had a massive bruise and I could hardly lift it and I had a cut right in the middle of my forehead which I still bear the scar from to this day, I had a tennis ball sized bruise there at the time, concussion and felt like shit to be honest I remember throwing up a few times later that night which only made my head hurt more!  

I was covered in blood as head wounds tend to bleed a lot and as one of the lads was helping me into an ambulance the guy who'd been wrestling in the street came over and shook my hand, I hadn't helped more than a distraction but I'd tried and that was good enough for him.

Old school means very little these days but the respect you win on the door can never be taken away from you and just trying to get stuck in and wanting to do it again was enough for them to accept me and start the long road of learning to be a doorman.

Licensing and changes over the years

Well times have changed a lot regarding who can and who can't work on a door, in fact the whole security industry has had a major overhaul over the last decade or so.

When I first started on the door there were no background checks or exams it was quite simple, someone you knew worked on the doors or knew someone who did and and had told them you could fight!  They would ask if you fancied trying it so you suited up and shouted at anyone who was carrying on and fought and dragged out anyone who kicked off usually bouncing them off every door on the way.  You kept your job if you worked well with the guys and the venue owners liked you, you lost you Job if they didn't or if you lost a simple fight.  That was pretty much it, get on with people and don't lose!  Or don't lose to a normal one on one fight or you'd probably be gone as no one would want to work with you!

Then for me as I lived in Yorkshire you had to pay for your own criminal background check and go to the police station and you'd essentially get a laminated card with your photo and a number on it, I'm assuming it was just to make sure you weren't a murderer or anything because little changed about how we worked the doors until the government decided to licence and regulate the security industry.

At first it was a total shambles as you'd expect to be honest with a ridiculous amount of paperwork and background checks which In some cases didn't work!  The turnaround for your licence was supposed to be short but my first SIA (security industry authority) badge took six months to process!  I've no idea why as some were within weeks and some took ages for no apparent reason as I had no problems with my background in any way.  

One of the big rule changes about who could and who couldn't get a licence was whether or not you had any convictions for violence in the last six years which i know sounds sensible but you have to remember what industry we work in!  Violence was and is a massive part of the Job and I knew several doormen who could no longer get licences because they had assault charges against them, more often that you'd think though these assaults were not necessarily started by the doorman in question so you did have some great doormen who'd kicked a punter out and got into trouble for it due to lack of witnesses usually and they couldn't work a door anymore, a great waste.  Couple this with losing some of the real hard men out there, again because of violence at some point, great you might think don't need them on the door.  The trouble with that is these guys are now out drinking on a weekend not sorting the fights out and getting told by their 18 year old wannabe replacements that they've had too much to drink!  A recipe for disaster there!

The strangest thing of all though was the complete lack of physical intervention as it's called now, I sat through four days of tedious health and safety (common sense) related waffle that most of which we all joked at.  I mean there was a room with around 25 experienced doormen in it being told by someone who sounded like a geography teacher what was now expected of us at work and for the most part it seemed as though we all had to be school corridor monitors! 

Sidenote here .... I was told by the "geography teacher" that NO ONE had failed the course yet and this was six months into the scheme sorry licensing.....

Needless to say most of us were not overly impressed with this as we knew it was just another way the government could get some money out of us as the "course" and licence were around £500 if memory serves.  Of course when we questioned this at all stages we were told that these new licences were like gold dust and any front line operative as we were now termed could name our price! What a load of bollocks, when I started on the door 15 years ago I got £10 per hour and for the most part that's pretty much still the standard rate, less tax and insurance which is now deducted by your door company.......

Over the last 6 years or so the SIA turnaround has improved and the course is far more relevant and slightly cheaper I think, in fact at one time if you were unemployed the Job Centre would pay for your badge so you could get work and this had a disastrous affect on my sector of the industry as a massive influx of licensed "people" appeared, and if you needed extra door staff then the licence was crucial as it was written into all premises alcohol licences that SIA licensed staff had to be used and if you were caught without a licence prison time was threatened and has happened to some!  This just meant we had to sort through all "people" and find the ones we wanted, some folk didn't even finish a shift without shitting themselves seeing a fight with sober eyes and this led to a lot of extra stress at work for us!

Now we have more powers on the door but still have to be very careful how we exercise them as the American suing culture has hit the UK big time.  I know of one instance when a man hit someone in a club and the assistant manager told a doorman to hold him until the police got there.  This is totally legal as long as the police are called as soon as is possible, unfortunately in this instance the assistant manager dealt with a bar issue before calling the police, so the man was detained for around half an hour, the result?  The DOORMAN was arrested, charged and is serving prison time for false imprisonment.  Serious times and door staff have had to change with them so knowing the law and your part in it is key now, as well as being polite, patient sympathetic and everything else that's required of us, I'm sure stopping people getting hurt should be closer to the too of the list though!

Finally the present day, where the SIA licence is in full swing ..... Until at least 2015 I think I last heard then there's ping to be a change, oh joy.  

Now nearly all door companies are required to pay door staff's tax and insurance for them, just so the government can make sure they absolutely and positively account for even more money I mean they want to know where every penny goes don't they so gone are the days of earning a few extra quid on top of your normal job folks that'll be extra tax for you!  Fair enough say many people why shouldn't they pay more tax, cos the wages haven't gone up reasonably that's why!  Don't for one second think that this is a well paid profession, it used to be but for the most part and with licensing bringing competition between companies your average doorman takes home around £8.50 per hour after deductions and for the violence involved its just not worth it to a lot of the old school guys so one by one they're going, I just hope their replacements don't get hurt too much that's all!

Women on the door

Careful on this subject Dan some of the girls involved may read this!   Back in the day there were very few female doorstaff and you'd be forgiven for thinking some of them were male!   The reason there were so few was that old school doorstaff had more than their fair share of fights and generally men tend to want to do this more for a living more than women, of course there's no less violence these days but with more female doorstaff being present the lads who are fighting are quite often reluctant to hit a woman and this fact can be used to good advantage in many situations.  Sadly this doesn't always work and I remember removing someone by his feet years ago for punching a female door woman, would I have reacted the same way if it had been a male member of staff?  Actually, probably yes I would but that's just me some of the guys I worked with that night wanted to do a damn sight more than just drag him out the hard way I can tell you!

In my opinion this is probably the biggest drawback of having a female member of doorstaff as, some, men tend to instinctively protect women around them and I've seen a female member of staff get hit in a fight and have two doormen stop dealing with their attackers to help her, commendable in one way but in all honesty unless she's been bottled or something equally as bad which would also incapacitate a man then helping her was just dangerous as those two attackers could easily have kept going and made a bad situation much worse, we get hit in this line of work and when you're part of any front line team hesitation can be extremely dangerous, better a black eye than bottle in the neck.

There are a few things you just can't do if you don't have a female member of doorstaff, chiefly of these being searches as the law states same sex searches only so if we suspect drugs we'd have to detain the individual and wait for the police, in most cases this doesn't happen as we're far too busy to use the time of a doorman to detain someone we suspect of casual drug use so normally we just ask them to leave but this too can obviously cause problems!

Male doorstaff can't go into any female bathrooms without a female member of staff present either, unless something serious is happening of course but of you're only suspecting something then it's hard to hide a doorman in a female toilet, people generally realise something's up!

It's an incredibly hard environment for a female to survive in and even harder to earn the respect of both their peers and the public and I'm proud to say I know a few who have done just this, you'll always hear tales of a female doorwoman being useless or overaggressive and a lesbian, well there are useless doormen too and if you've just had your ass kicked and dragged out by a woman you should probably think of a better comeback than to call her a lesbian, you're only embarrassing yourself more and if she's straight and overaggressive she's only gonna kick your ass again and believe me some of the girls I know can do just that!

The things people say to get in

Well all I can say is that alcohol must really stimulate the creative side of people's brain because some of the utter drivel you hear on the door does make you laugh.  

It's almost as if people really don't think we hear the same lines every weekend cos believe me, we do!   I love the girls response to why they're stumbling, most say its because of their heels, some have said this however, when they're barefoot!

The most common response to a refusal or even asking if they're ok cos they seem a little fresh has to be "are you serious?"  I'm literally asked this week in and out and sometimes I must say I want to commit murder when I hear it when I've just tried to be nice!  It's as if people have an attitude replacement that means doorstaff are to be ignored and everything they say needs to be questioned, it's getting pretty irritating to a lot of us who long for the old days when people just did as they were told a lot more and if they questioned you, you knew they wanted to fight you!   It was pretty much cut and dry back then and the arrogance of some people is unreal I mean I stand there saying goodnight to people only to be totally blanked, nice eh. But I digress, again.  

"I'm fine" is another common comment when talking to customers, unfortunately this is usually said as they are having trouble standing up or in some cases, barely coherent! 

"Come on mate, don't be a dick let me in"  Speaks for itself really I mean swear at me whilst asking to be let in?  I don't think so.

But the absolute worst is the guy who tries to buy his way in, I'm not just talking about the drunk with an outstretched £20 in his hand, no I mean the arrogant ones who think just because they have money they can do what they like.

Not that long ago the assistant manager of a nightclub I was working in pulled me to one side, he'd just seen someone urinating in our smoking area which is bad enough but the fact that it was open and had customers in was even worse!  He wanted to be sure who it was as he suspected it was a local "rich boy" part of the next generation of wealthy kids turning 18 and starting drinking, not someone you want to accuse without absolute proof as it could cost the venue lots of money if incorrect and he took offence and decided not to come back.  We checked the CCTV together and it a positive ID, yes it was the lad he suspected it was so I located him, once again in the smoking area and approached him to ask him to leave.  At first he denied it, categorically stating that it wasn't him, it took me saying look I've just watched the CCTV and unless you want to be slapped with an £80 fine from the police I suggest you leave, and because you're blatantly lying to me you can stay away for a few weeks too, start of next month you can come back.   

Well he left without a fuss but came back the following week, he was just being ushered through by one of the promo guys on the front door when I stopped them.  He offered to pay a fine to us so he could come back in but I knew that that would mean nothing to him really, he'd only left without an argument because I'd said I'd involve the police so I stood my ground and said no amount of money could buy his way back in before the end of the month as what he'd done was disgusting and he'd lied about it! Tail between legs he left, score one for doorstaff!

What's the worst thing I've seen?

Well that depends on how you look at worst and what you consider to be just part of the job or shocking behaviour.  A lot of people say, oh you get used to it but in reality it's amazing what you can get used to!  Verbal insuslt's, physical threats and assaults, pretty much a standard weekends work in most venues either inside or more often on the front door.   

Probably the worst thing I saw inside a venue was in Scunthorpe where groups of young men were commonplace when I worked there and fights broke out with alarming regularity.  On one evening a group of Polish lads had singled out someone to pick on from what I can gather and in seconds they surrounded him and attacked, I mean there was about ten guys pounding on this lad obviously doing serious damage straight away.  When the call came over the radio we charged into the centre trying to protect the guy who could barely stand and was bent double as a doorman tried to help him.  The group circled us but stopped and didn't attack us, one guy however decided that he didn't care we were there and ran in kicking the helpless guy full on in the face exploding his nose showering blood everywhere and sending the lad flying backwards, myself and one other doorman pounced on he attacker as he came in again relying on the rest of the door team to watch out backs, I don't know why but the rest of the group started to disperse, I don't know maybe they realised their friend had crossed the line as their victim was totally unconscious on the floor in a pool of blood, not a pretty sight I can tell you.

We took the polish lad down a fire escape to the nearest exit and I don't mind admitting that I used Him to open the fire door with, I can't stand bullies and what he'd just done could have killed someone so I had just enough time to slam him into the door which burst open straight out into a police unit, arrested and charged.

As for the front door it wasn't actually anything to do with me or my venue, I was in Scarborough at the Blue Lounge one Boxing Day and witnessed a full on street fight break out in front of me!  Back then Scarborough was extremely busy on bank holidays and Boxing Day was usually just crazy, one year over 7000 people came through the bar during the day!   I've no idea how it started but the streets were filled with drinkers in a variety of states all day and suddenly two guys were fighting right across the street from me then everyone seemed to join in!  I'd say around 30 people were full on fighting in the middle of the street for no apparent reason!  What did we do?  Radio the towns CCTV operators and close the bloody door that's what!

So you think you can work a door?

Well can you?  Because these days it takes more than just being able to fight and stand your ground, in some cases new doormen can't even do that!  Last year I was working at a lovely pub in York and let me tell you, it was one of the easiest doors you'd ever hope to get, sure you're in the city centre and that's not the best for avoiding trouble but when your pub is a family friendly good home cooked grub with cask ales type of place, you can talk most undesirables out of even wanting to come in!  

Sadly though while I was there it was a two man door and nearly every person they sent us was bloody hopeless!  

A couple were nice and good doormen/women but sadly they only did a few cover shifts, and the rest?  Wow is all I can say, this isn't a slagging match as a few or all of the people involved have access to this and will probably agree with me!   First there was Mike, a nice lad and done the job for years, trouble was he was old school and bloody lazy by his own admission!  Still a good guy though wish he'd pulled his socks up!  Next was Andy, self tattooed and no idea why he worked the doors, shop security yes but the real world? I'm amazed he made it though puberty to be honest.  Then was Jack, wow is the best description, very young and probably quite intelligent but for some reason thought a little rugby experience meant he'd be able to be a doorman, a nice lad yes but after two shifts even the pub owner, a former doorman himself, sat him down and told him he thought he'd be better suited to finding a different job because he was gonna get himself hurt!  I mean he was hopeless and I wish him all the luck in the world but I just hope he's not still on a door somewhere!   Finally was Cameron, again a lovely lad and I've seen and heard of him standing his ground against a few big lads but sadly just nothing to him to look at, I mean proper skinny, he worked shop security during the days and was as keen as anything on that I'd heard him on the town radio and he clearly took it seriously but again I hope he's off the doors or has taken some serious martial arts training!

Doormen and Viagra ....

Well we're big kids after all so years ago when Viagra started to become commonplace a few of the lads may have been, ahem, spiked with the substance before a shift!   We learnt quickly to never accept a cup of tea or glass of water from anyone for fear of finding it hard to walk and in some cases I've heard of blue vision!   One doorman I knew decided to start talking it, not because he needed it but because it made it bigger!  So in his mind if he took it often enough then the skin should stretch and he'd always have a big cock! I think he's still alive but I'm grateful to say I don't know the results of said experiment! 

Last year though I found out that one of the meeter's and greeter's where I worked took them due to a high sex drive, and age I'm assuming.  He would quite often pull a girl and arrange to meet her after work and I remember one night seeing him take his magic blue pill just as we were finishing.  A few of us had decided to go for a quick drink when we finished so he'd allowed for this and planned to be away with her within half an hour.  An evil plan began to formulate as I positioned myself within arms reach of him in the bar and then began to talk, as he checked his watch I just smiled and blocked his exit saying,

"Oh I don't think so it should be kicking in about now shouldn't it, I think you're staying out a bit longer!"

I told a few people around us what I'd done so we kept him where he was until it was obvious he wasn't gonna find walking easy!

ID and the lies therein

Well they vary from the giggly white lie to the blatant whopper!   The most common is probably about age or how much they think they've had to drink!   When ID'ing people it's a good idea to ask their age as well as checking the date shown as you'd be surprised how many kids will lie and expect you to just look at the picture, not the date!  Some will even argue the point so convincingly that on occasion I've even doubted my maths!  

Quite recently I confiscated a fake ID from a girl who decided to start insulting me and my professionalism stating that her ID was a brand new type and it was disgraceful how I didn't know about it as it was my job to be aware of changes like this and how much of a hassle it was going to be for her to collect it from the police station.  I mean this girl was so convincing that she deserved an Oscar and did at one point made me question my decision in my head and I had to remind myself that Northern Ireland is actually part of the uk and the licences are the same!  Also it had no hologram when I used a UV light on it and looked cheap and nasty!  Needless to say when I showed a policeman later he didn't really need to take it! 

Of course the biggest problem with ID's I'd say isn't the fakes, they're easy to spot and most places I've worked only accept passports and driving licences, and not clipped passports either, there's a reason they make you change the picture after ten years so if you can't travel abroad on it then what makes people think they can use it to buy alcohol? Bewilders me sometimes.  No the biggest problem in my opinion is siblings, there are countless brothers and sisters out there who look so alike it's easy for a 17 and sometimes 16 year old to steal his or her siblings ID and then pass for 18!  After all why wouldn't we accept it they know all the details backwards, forwards and if they're really clever they'll take a bank card too so even if we check the names match on cards in their wallet it purse it's all legit as far as we can see!  I caught a girl out in Harrogate recently when I happened to be walking through the town centre one day and saw a girl I recognised from the club I work in, the trouble was she was wearing school uniform!  Now when she was out and with makeup she looked old enough bit you'd check her ID just to be sure so I made a mental note and, the next time she came in I checked her ID in the queue, it looked so like her but said she was 19? Still in school uniform?  Even a sixth former wouldn't be that old!  After challenging her on this she said I must have seen her sister in town who looks very similar to her, sadly love I said, With the hairstyle you have you'd have to be twins.  She left and didn't even try to ask for the ID back, one more to send to the DVLA and one more underager caught out!

Gay night in York

Well it's definitely different being a straight guy and doing security for a gay night I can tell you!  

There's a bar/club in York called Blue Fly which used to have a gay night on a Friday evening in the club, trouble wise there's very little usually just putting up with the bitchiness which is free flowing believe me!  I've never heard as many nasty little comments in my life as when I've stood on the front door there and listened to the conversations going on! 

On one night we had a few comical incidents which spring to mind starting with the two straight guys who were just in the bar downstairs.   The only toilets are on the top floor of the club so this couple of friends decided to go and use the cubicle to listen to some white powdered angels if you know what I mean!  The only trouble was they went in together right when I decided to take a leak and check the toilets.   The radios we had were useless but I used it anyway to let the guys downstairs know I'd caught two guys doing drugs and we were coming down, this was more for their benefit than mine, after all they weren't to know that the lads probably hadn't even heard me because they so badly needed servicing.  I issued my usual straight out the door guys and we'll leave it at that warning which worked fine, right until they got to that invisible barrier on the front door that makes some people freeze.  The first lad looked quite rough if I'm honest and just happy to leave with no fuss but his friend was a bit more well groomed, and cocky. 

"What if we weren't doing drugs?  What if he's my boyfriend, can we stay then? He ventured.

I didn't even have time to answer before his mate turned round and slapped him in the face! 

"We were doing coke!, don't you call me a puff!" He shouted as he stormed off down the street!  

Later that evening there was a fight inside, I use the word fight loosely but from what I can now gather was that one of the lads in a group had not liked another talking to some other guys so he'd half punched, half slapped him!  Real schoolyard stuff and certainly not doing the stereotype for young gay lads any good made worse when we escorted the offender out.  He left fine and walked off but left half a dozen skinny, whiney and just wet lads talking about the situation.  One ventured his opinion to me in a high pitched camp voice, 

"We'll you don't need to worry about him fella, and his boyfriends still upstairs, he's a bit upset but you don't need to worry about him either, and him, there walking after that guy, you don't need to worry about him either."

Something in my brain actually melted I think as I said

"I don't need to worry about any of you, you're all 8 stone wet through will you just go back inside please!"

Of course to a group of gay guys that was amazing because as one they replied "ooooooo!"

I sighed as they spoke quieter and started to move to the entrance and started to roll myself a cigarette to subdue the irritation when the lad who'd spoken to me noticed and said in a camp sarcastic way,

"Smoking on the door?  That's not very professional is it?" 

I looked him up and down, he was wearing trainers with camouflage trousers and an Ultimate fighting T-shirt, the only problem was he was literally 8 stone and looked ill, I mean borderline smack head territory!

"Sweetheart you're wearing army trousers and a cage fighting t shirt and clearly have never done either so big bag of shush for you yeah?"

No comment and he went inside!

The police and how they vary!

Now first and foremost this is not a slagging off of the police force, or service or whatever the politically correct term is as you're reading this more of just a few bits n pieces.

For the most part I've worked alongside some fantastic police officers over the years, I was chatting to a sergeant when I first went to Scarborough and told him how I really noticed how they worked with us and he commented that its so busy in Scarborough sometimes that there's limited police and doorstaff so if we didn't work together it wouldn't work.  So refreshing to hear that when I've personally dialled 999 in one other area asking for help the police never came, sorry but it's just a fact it's only or area but massively disappointing.

Again that's not to say other areas the police haven't been amazing towards us obviously Scarborough for one but also up in Newcastle when I first started on the  doors things were a little more, shall we say tasty, and self defence didn't come into it sometimes.

Thankfully these days in extreme situations doorstaff are permitted to use a first strike but unless you're prepared to stand in court saying and being able to prove that doing so prevented further harm coming to yourself or others it's just not worth it so you have to wait for the hit to come, back in the day thou ..... 

Well lets just say one night two lads had tried to get in the door I was on with another guy, even at the end of the street they looked like trouble and back then I was a little hothead who to be honest needed a crack to bring me back to reality sometimes!  On this occasion thou when I refused them and one guy became aggressive he tensed quickly I the spot to make me react, well I did I hit him.  Cue two mins of me and the guy I'm with putting them down and then having them lifted, sadly they decided to put all the blame on me, well it was pretty much me being overly aggressive yes but I guarantee they were the sort of guys who kick you in the head if you were down and scrapped every weekend so no biggie in my eyes.  They clearly knew a bit more than I did about the law, this is fifteen years ago and doorstaff didn't need to know the law then just be able to scrap when you had to so I could sense I was in trouble here, luckily though the officer dealing knew them and took me to one side looking me square in my eyes, nodding at me and saying "you were in fear for your life you say then?" 

Thank you very much for that, mental note made!

I did have a cheeky dig one quiet night in Leeds when a sergeant and newly badged lad were out on patrol.  I'd spoken to the sergeant plenty of times and he didn't look happy at all this night, when the new guy was chatting to my colleague the sergeant told me what a nightmare this guy was, straight arrow no life experience and way too much OCD, so in other words he was having to work properly!  The new guy was clearly pretty arrogant and didn't have much respect for doorstaff by the way he was talking to us so when he commented that he'd heard bouncers were just thugs really I smiled with a "actually we're highly trained intelligent thugs, cheers pal"

"Oh yeah?" He said, "what do you mean by that?" 

Nice, he'd bitten, time for a play.

I've always loved useless information so threw something at him,

"Well Ive had a decent education, certainly good enough to know where the word 'copper' comes from, do you?"

"Course" came the smug response, "it's from when we used to carry copper badges years ago"

I made the buzzer fail sound and reeled off "oh our survey says no!  Actually it's from the Latin capere which means to seize or 'capture',  what about something simple?  Policeman, does that mean then?"  The sergeant smiled at me but the lad cracked!  Clearly he must have known but was scared to say in case he was put down again so called me a smart arse and said come on then to his sergeant.  As they walked away I couldn't resist calling after him, "don't worry it does come from Latin too!  Politia! Polis! Greek cities mate so it's man of the city!"  I'm like a dog with a bone sometimes.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that ....

A lot of doormen don't show their fun side, some don't have one of course but most are just at work and paying attention, plenty of people have come up to me and told me to smile and asked me what's wrong, the answer, nothing at all I'm just at work!  I'll have a laugh and a joke and a sexy sidle up to an unsuspecting doorman with the best of them when I can but coming accross as a bundle of fun may make people smile at you more but we're not there for that and joking away isn't exactly off putting to any lads out for a scrap!  

That being said making customers laugh when they're not expecting you to have a sense of humour is all part of the job and you can build a good rapport with people by doing this.

Of course there's the flip side to having a sense of humour and that's being a bit cheeky and getting away with it, I've been hit in the face and replied "I've had harder sex than that, I'd fuck off now if I were you."  Not the best response but it felt right in the moment!

When you turn a cheeky goit away and they say "what's wrong with me?", I like the reply "would you like the list?"

Or in some cases "well it's just a multitude of sins really."

My best mate is a 6'3" ish DJ who looks like he's either sponsored by Nike air Jordan or has walked straight off the set of a hip hop music video.  Missing a front tooth and always sporting a baseball cap and matching sweatbands, that's not taking into account the mahoosive Ali-G coat he wears in winter, oh and he's white.  That's the truly awesome pro DJ L-ROK who once complained to me that every time he travels he gets stopped and searched!   My response to dear Russ, "look at you mate, you've gotta be guilty of something!"  I've since used that to the extra annoying on the door when required!

There's a generic response i use to the older generation who seem to always want to say, "are you going to ask for my ID ha ha."  Said deadpan I use,

"No im sorry i can't accept bus passes"

Of course there's the phrase I use to the nicer cheeky girls who come in, I swear it didn't start as a line, I said it to a girlfriend years ago and she didn't know whether to slap me or not and usually gets the same response, 

"sweetheart you're pretty, you don't have to talk." Said with a cheeky smile, and just out of range.

I also nicked a bit from an episode of blackadder which can be used to either really confuse the seriously inebriated or put down the people who look down their noses at doorstaff, when they say something they think is smart I use

"I'm sorry your confabulations are confounding me" and watch their faces twist as the brain tries to catch up! 

For the real cheeky little git who repeats everything back to you there's a scene in Red Dwarf I love, turn to your mate and say, "signs of primitive intelligence and mimicry, with patient tuition he could possibly master simple tasks!" 

As I've said, little pleasures get you though. 

Keeping myself amused

Well I've been told i look like an actor once or twice as I apparently have a resemblance to Michael Fassbender, no he's younger than me so it's the other way around thank you so very much!  

I do however love to do impressions and accents when I'm at work, it's probably my over active brain keeping me entertained but I love my films, I love making strange accents so therefore I love doing movie quotes in the correct accent!   I grew up in Scotland and I've moved around a bit too so I seem to be a bit of a chameleon with accents confusing plenty of people over the years by affecting a Scottish or South African accent for the evening and then changing it when people have just got used to it, sigh small pleasures eh although this did backfire once in Scarborough when a customer said something to me in Afrikaans, so I pulled my joker card and switched to Manuel from Fawlty Towers with a "Keh?" And a big smile!

As for the impressions I once did a silly meerkat impression towards a barmaid in Scarborough and managed for the next year to only do it when she could see it so no one else ever believed her! 

For some reason though I've always loved the Sean Connery, yesh, mish moneypenny, although I do tend to switch to the trainspotting version for my own amusement.  And mission impossible, nothing beats having that music and being dressed all in black, so many places to hide in a darkened nightclub.  Yes we're all just big kids.

Why shouting sometimes works

Usually a big no no because it's just gonna make any situation worse let's face it.  But this is a high pressure job and tempers do flare on occasion, something I'm guilty of as much as anyone much to my regret. 

There are occasions though when shouting can help, or at the very least buy you precious seconds while waiting or backup to arrive.  Basically it's shock tactics, when a fight starts follow the same principle as rugby, get stuck in and you're less likely to get hurt!  When two or more people are fighting charging straight into the centre pushing not hitting people out of the way and shouting

"What the hell do you think you're doing fighting in here!"  

This can and sometimes does cause multiple people to stop fighting and do as they're told!   Of course it works better in smaller situations as I once turned the corner in a club to see four guys fighting, I charged straight in shouting at them to stop as I did so, they did, and that was the point I noticed that they were all large African lads who appeared to be deciding whether to eat me or not!  Luckily backup arrived quickly in that case! 

The one time that does stick in my head was when I was at revolution in Harrogate, it was a typical busy weekend night and a scrap between two young men started right in front of me in the main room, I radioed for backup and got in the middle  separating them and with a raised but not yet shouting voice.   

A small circle opened up as bystanders naturally edge away from trouble and  all of a sudden another scrap between two older men started right next to me!  Same again i got in between them but shouting louder now which had the desired effect, turning to face the two young lads I'd already separated I saw one standing there and the other in a choke hold by an off duty doorman! 

Cue me shouting at him getting involved cos he wasn't helping he was having a bloody play!  I could see the rest of the door team making their way through the crowd so before anyone could start fighting again I shouted again!

"Right no more bloody fighting in here behave yourselves!" 

It bought me those precious seconds I needed for the guys to get there and help me take them out without anymore hassle so sometimes, it helps. 

Fashion and it's consequences

Over the years bars have had to either change their dress codes following modern trends or risk losing custom, some bars and clubs think themselves above others and can therefore dictate their policies.  Whether this works or not is simple, they're either still open or closed down!

I've had to turn people away many a time for dress code violations, or making those violations up on the spot to give a reason why I don't want the particular person in, when actually all I'm thinking 

is, "TROUBLE!"  

More often than not people argue with you, usually about how much their trainers cost, well go for a run in them then!   Honestly if you think that wearing Nike Air's to a trendy club on a Saturday night when you're supposed to be dressing to impress is a good idea then you need to go home and rethink your life.

One of the fashion trends I've always hated though is the bloody jeans-half-way-down-your-arse-tied-tight-with-a-belt look!  I mean come on guys most of you probably need a wipe there's no need to get your ass out.

Luckily I worked at a bar once whose manager really hated it so banned it from his premises!  Fantastic, especially when the DJ who was one of the worst offenders, turned up on a Saturday night and was told to pull his trousers up much to our delight, but once he stepped inside he pulled them back down!   Well the two doormen I was with on the front door both looked at me and one said,

"Can we go in there and carry him to the DJ box by his jeans?"

"Yep, go for it" I replied

So they did, the scream as his crotch was clearly being split in two was heard in the street!

How quickly things can go bad

Very is the short answer.  It's easy to get drawn into a situation when someone's screaming in your face because you won't let them in or they have to leave because they're too drunk and keeping your cool is something that takes practice believe me and we're all guilty of snapping back on occasion!

Worse than getting drawn in though is the bad doorman, I was made head doorman at a new venue in Brighouse and on opening night we had 9 doormen, including our area manager working to keep the place safe.  Brighouse isn't the nicest of areas to be honest and it was a sports bar so we expected to have our fair share of trouble, particularly until we'd worked out just who we did and didn't want inside.  

Now our area manager used to be a doorman and in most people's opinions, a bad one, he wasn't that big but was overly aggressive and caused more problems than he sorted.  He only became an area manager cos he was quite smart but was what I'd describe as a sneaky little shit!   He was on the front door with another senior doorman and a regular doorman.  I was a few metres down the road on the phone to another doorman arranging more staff for the following night as it was clearly going to be very busy.  As I came back to the door the area manger was refusing a young girl, maybe 19, because she was too drunk.  No problem with that except for the way he spoke to her, she was complaining sure but when he called her a silly little slag the guy standing behind her, her boyfriend, happened to hear that!  He'd been standing quietly accepting the situation and even tolerating the way his girl was being spoken to but that was clearly too much and he stepped forwards demanding an apology.  The area manager refused and when the lad stepped forwards again asking to speak to the manager he replied "I am" and pushed the lad back hard into his girl knocking her over!

All hell broke loose because the group behind this couple were with them, around twelve people in total began to move on us so I reached for the radio and transmitted "all doorstaff front door now! management get a police unit!"

The fighting started slowly with the girls boyfriend lunging for the area manager and one of the other doormen wrestling on the floor with one of his mates.  The other senior doormen had already begun to help the area manager writhe his way free so I went to the doorman on the floor shouting who I was in his ear and pulling him back to his feet. 

The inside doormen had started to arrive now so I shouted to form a wall in the entrance so we could protect ourselves better as we were outnumbered.  The lad who'd been on the floor and the area manager were pushed inside as they were both hurt and needed attention.  We had to retreat inside the front doors slightly and I remember at one point having my back to the group attacking us and feeling some nasty punches to my shoulders and upper back.   We managed to form a wall at the front door and push people back some of whom started to disperse now as this had how on for maybe ten minutes at this point. Eventually the fighting stopped and we managed to calm down the girls boyfriend and get them to leave as the police still hadn't turned up!

Luckily no one was seriously hurt but that's out of total luck, thankfully I never actually saw that area manager again as 3 months later I was moved to run a door in Scunthorpe instead, and believe me it felt like a promotion!

Staff, ahem, "training"

I use the term loosely as in the old days staff training consisted of being able to get out of a choke hold or being able to protect your nuts from a cheeky back handed slap from one if your "mates"

In fact at one club I worked at when we closed if anyone shouted "staff training" all the glass collectors would run and hide!  This may have been because we used them as "demonstration models"

The worst I ever saw the choking and the sackings as they're called get was at the Olympics when at around 5am when we were at our quietest 16 of us who were waiting for a car to check had to stand and talk to each other in a large circle in the street so we could keep our eyes on each other for fear of the dreaded sack or choke out, one lad forgot to tap at one point and turned a funny shade of purple. 

Old school doormen are a funny breed and they are similar to a wolf pack with the alpha male being the head doorman and so on, the similarities don't stop there as the fight for top dog or "hardest" used to be commonplace and you could feel the tension in the air as someone would challenge someone else, usually verbally but sometimes things would get a little physical with a play fight turning a little nasty on more than one occasion.  Because I'm not the biggest doorman by any means, at my heaviest I was 85kg or around 13 1/2 stone, I had to choose my battles wisely, after all if you back down you lose face and in the old school mentality that means you lose respect too.  

One time an old school doorman had me in a bear hug, he was a large man and squeezing me smiling knowing it was starting to hurt, "whatcha gonna do now then?" He said.

Well in reality you've few options with a smashing head butt to his face being the best I could see but obviously didn't do!

No instead I used my brain and said quietly in his ear,

"You've proved your point it hurts, Which hip was it you had replaced again?  Be a shame if I got the wrong one when I punch it as hard as I can."

He put me down.

The busiest half hour I've ever had!

Before the late drinking licences came in, I, like many doormen worked first in a bar then went straight to a club.  It was a regular Saturday night at revolution bar, nice n busy and not too much trouble.  When I finished at twelve I drove to Carringtons nightclub, changed from black to white shirt, had a quick smoke and went In at half twelve. 

It was busy and my main Job was to float around all the bars and help where needed, now back then with every room open Carringtons was over 1000 capacity and it was nearly full.  Everywhere I went I found people carrying on!  I'd walk round the corner into a fight and have to take one guy out the front while the other was taken out the back way to stop them fighting in the street.  I walked into the toilets and caught a guy doing coke, out the front door.  Several guys around the club could hardly stand, out the front door!  

Another potential fight so out one of them goes. This went on until I brought another drunk out to the main entrance and saw the manger and head doorman in discussion and looking at me, they motioned me over and said,

"Dan you've been here half an hour"

"Is it? That's gone slow I said"

"You've taken eleven people out, keep going like this we'll have no one left, you're not on commission you know!"

Kids nights, definitely different!

You don't see it as much these days but a lot of nightclubs used to have an underage night midweek, a good idea in principal but bearing in mind adults act like children when they get drunk and although we would never serve them alcohol, they just drink before they come in!  Obviously it's our job to weed out any kids who've had a drink but it's not as easy as you'd think when they down half a bottle of vodka two mins before coming in so you can't tell cos it'll take another ten mins to kick in! 

I do remember standing at the bar in a club one night and listening to a girl ask for two glasses, that's it no coke no lemonade just the glasses.  So I calmly followed her and removed the bottle of vodka she'd had hidden in her bag.

They can be a problem when they kick off too as when one lad maybe 16 years old, was kicked out of an underground nightclub I worked at for fighting inside, jumped down the steps superman punching the head doorman breaking his nose!  If memory serves two years later the lad suffered the same fate after kicking off, from the same doorman, karma's a bitch.

On one night I was standing talking to the DJ when a young lad picked up a girl and pulled off her skirt to reveal a tiny green g-string!   The DJ's comment,

"It'd be ok if she was wearing a sign saying I'm over 16 but I'm not sure she is"

I sighed,

"Yep I can feel the handcuffs tightening I'm going for a smoke"

How scared have you been?

Anyone who says I never have I never want to work with. Period.  If you're not scared sometimes you're either a liar or a psycho, the former will be found out when it kicks off and the latter won't have a job long!

Being scared is shit obviously but with time it can help you too, when your body is scared it's primal survival instincts kick in, adrenaline pumps through your body and your senses, and reflexes become heightened, it's all about trying to control the fear, not showing it until the jobs done and using it to your advantage.

I'm by no means the worlds best fighter, far from it, but I truly believe there's been times I've felt real fear and that's what's got me through.

I've been in a few terrifying situations over the years, I've seen street fights with over 30 people involved yards from me and I've worked doors in the past when people did come out "tooled up" as it were.  The worst that's happened to me when I've been hurt is being stabbed, twice on separate occasions and luckily for me only in the arm and hand and believe me when it kicks in afterwards what's just happened to you, jeez it's not good and I don't blame anyone for not getting back on the door after being hurt.

I'm not claiming I'm some sort of better person for getting back after a kick in at all, I know loads of guys who do just the same as me and some ill respect forever after getting badly hurt then bouncing right back to carry on as normal, make no mistake folks some of the guys in our trade literally put their lives on the line for strangers for minimal pay and usually little thanks.

I've delayed enough so onto the most scared I've been, I was working a one man door In a small town called Wetherby many years ago, it was early doors so only had a handful of people inside and one young couple were having a bit of a domestic in the middle of the room. 

Domestic arguments are always tricky and can turn on you really easily so I waited until it was obviously not gonna stop and was just getting louder.

I approached the couple saying I was sorry to interrupt and it was obviously personal so would they mind keeping their voices down or taking it outside.

Well the response came quick, the lad told me to fuck off and tried to bottle me!

His right hand came up and I blocked his arm as the bottle came down with my left and brought my right hand up to take the bottle and folded it back out of his hand. In retrospect I should have punched him as hard as I could with my right instead of taking the bottle as I hadn't seen his friends circle behind me.

They both grabbed my arms at the same time and pulled me back against the bar one on either side of me.  

The lad smiled as I stood there trying to struggle free, drop my body weight, anything not to be In this position cos the fear hit me all at once and it was terrifying I don't mind admitting because I knew what was coming.   He punched me in the face twice, luckily both times he didn't connect properly but enough to bust my lip and nose open.  Next he stepped back and kicked me in the balls, again I managed to twist slightly to minimise the hit but fuck me it hurt and I was finding it hard to stand, good job those bastards were still holding me eh.  He stepped back again came in with a big right hook to my temple which sent me rocking to my right hand side and the guy holding my arm let go!   I let fly the biggest back elbow to his face I could and threw all my bodyweight forward into the wildest haymaker I could at the lad who'd been attacking me, believe me martial arts and discipline was out the window I was terrified and swinging out of pure survival!   I connected with his shoulder pushing him back and his friend who'd been holding my left lost his grip and I half pulled half pushed him into his friend, I've no idea why I went forwards but I just put my hands out and rushed at them pushing them towards the door.  

Someone must have called or radioed the police as I genuinely have no idea how long this had all taken but I could see flashing blue lights coming through the doorway and windows, I remember checking behind me to see where the guy I'd elbowed was but he was nowhere to be seen so I can only assume he legged it out of the fire escape when he saw the police.  The lads were arrested and I pressed charges because I know the difference between a punch thrown in anger and someone who likes hurting people.  I survived not out of skill but out of pure fear. 

To this day that remains the only time I've ever received any compensation for any injuries too, £80.

Feel good times

One of the reasons I keep doing this job is to help people, it really truly is as some of the best feelings I've ever experienced are from when I've helped someone in dire need.   They range from the simple getting yourself in front of the innocent party and taking the hit or dealing with idiots who like to grope and harass girls, to the carrying out of a girl who's hurt her ankle and is crying her eyes out and by the time you get her out is smiling again, awesome feeling. 

I've had a more extreme case thou when I was once called by a member of staff at a club to a friend of hers who was having a bad time of it, he had serious emotional problems and the staff member knew I'd also had a few emotional problems over the years so may be able to help him.  When I got to him he was in serious distress having massive panic attack about being locked up by the police as a danger to himself.  He'd had it happen before and had a crisis card with phone numbers of his therapist and doctors emergency contact so I did my best to calm him down and called them, telling them the situation and they said they'd send a non emergency ambulance as soon as they could.  

It was a quiet night in town so luckily I had plenty of time to talk to the lad and share my problems with him hoping to make a connection.  It worked and he went away calmly thanking me for me help.

It wasn't until a month or so later when a young lad all happy and smiley came up to me in the same club, I barely recognised him as the same lad until he started to thank me for my help and how telling him how id dealt with some of my issues had helped him too, definitely one of the highlights of all my years of working.

Have I ever lost it?

Now there's a frequently asked question of a doorman!  Yes of course I have is the short boring answer but I do have one I, ahem, got away with too.

I was on the door in York at a bar/club called Blue Fly.  It has a fenced smoking and seated area outside both it's entrance's and, due to space, that's where the doormen stand.  

Half way through one Saturday night I saw a fight break out between two men inside the cafe bar area so I went straight between them pushing them apart. I felt a dull thud on the back of my head and half dropped to one knee.  A bottle.  Time always appears to slow down due I the adrenaline in these situations and I remember half turning, raising my arm to guard against the next blow as I did so when one of the regular drinkers body checked my attacker, pushing him into the street.   We exchanged nods as I stood up and saw the two doormen I was working with take hold of the two fighters and separate them, stopping the fight.  Something in my head snapped as its not the first time I've been bottled from behind by some coward.  The fight was done and the guy who hit me was clearly friends with one of these blokes as he was shouting at his mate and hanging around for him, well my head took over and I shouted after the guy as I started walking down the street after him.

"Hey fella, like bottling someone from behind do you?  Look at you, you've a few stone on me and you do that?" 

"Dan, your licence" a member of bar staff called after me.  

I took my licence off and tossed it to him as I approached the guy.

"Come on then" I said "fists up, try it when I'm facing you" 

I raised my hands in a stance and jabbed at his chin with my left.  And he dropped!

I stared in disbelief at him on the pavement and said

"Is that it? Really?"

He stayed down and looked up sheepishly at me as his mate who'd been fighting came over.

"You want some too!" I snapped at him

Arms raised he shook his head and helped his mate up and off down the street.   Definitely not the right response these days folks but it earned me a bit of respect from the locals and maybe he won't do that again.

Attempted knifepoint robbery, in an Indian!

When I started working for a large door around Leeds bars and clubs closed a lot earlier, mine was at two am so we either went out for a few or, once a month or so, would all meet when we finished for a sit down curry and catch up.  There could be up to 30 doormen having a slap up meal in an empty restaurant in the middle of the night, still in our work gear chilling out the owner loved us, and why wouldn't he?  We have him loads of extra custom when he'd normally be closed and we never made a mess as we were sober! Well mostly.

It was around 3 on a Saturday night when we were relaxing, having food and chatting away when the front door burst open and two skinny youths brandishing stanly knives ran to the counter near the door where the owner was tidying away some menus.

They seemed to slow down mid run to a stop and in unison turned to face the, as they must have thought was empty, restaurant.

The room was silent as we watched as both their hands holding the knives dropped slowly to their sides and then, as one, sprint straight back out of the door into the night! 

The first snigger began a few seconds later then we were all in fits of laughter as the owner came to us all shouting "I love you all, nobody try steal from me again!" 

He started shaking out hands and a free round or two of drinks came our way, very nice of him it was too.   I wish we'd be able to see their faces which must have been a picture being greeted by a room full of shaven headed, mostly oversized men all dressed in black staring straight at them!

Drugs and the damage they can do

Well I've been asked to add a few more real stories and I'll answer a few commonly asked questions of doormen the best I can, one of which is, have you ever properly hurt someone?  Sadly the answer to this is yes and although when I was younger I liked a scrap like many young men do, I also had the disciple to know when to stop or when it just wasn't a fair fight.

Sometimes on the door though you come up against some tough guys just out to fight, sometimes they meet up with you off the doors too which is one reason many doormen band together because it's not paranoia if the really are out to get you! 

On one night out I remember I went out with my boss Lee, our mate James and their girlfriends for a few beers.  We had one drink in a small bar and headed into town from there passing by the front of a local strip bar, two lads and a girl where there trying to get in, but as they were closed they were being turned away.  They turned into our path and one of the lads instantly recognised Lee from the doors, and clearly had a problem.   Lee was more than capable of looking after himself against the youth so I turned my attention to his friend who was moving to the side out of Lee's sight, James challenged him and bang, took a right hook for his trouble which dropped him.  This guy then focused his attention on me and advanced towards me, as he came close he aimed a punch which I managed to avoid and pushed him back hard, he tripped and fell backwards then bounced back up and flew at me swinging punches!  I managed to avoid a few and, still facing him managed to "tie him up" as it were, this only resulted in wild head butts at me!  I stepped back and still holding him pushed down whilst bringing my knee up straight to his temple, should be game over but he just seemed to get stronger!  

I'd had to let go of him and as he stood up I saw his eyes, dilated pupils and anger was all I saw there, lord only knows what drugs he was on but he didn't seem to feel anything as I noticed the cut I'd opened on his head. 

I could see the Lee was gonna be having a fight any second and the girls were shouting and screaming and helping poor James up so I said "don't do it fella this is stupid"

I'd barely finished speaking when he came at me again.

It was a full on scrap, I remember taking a few knocks to my arms while guarding but this guy was all anger so I kept on hitting back as he came in, the trouble was I'd managed to batter his face with elbows, jabs and hooks and nothing was stopping him!

As he came in close he got a handful of my t shirt and ripped the whole thing off in one!   Coming back once again he wildly grabbed at me and for a moment lost his footing, as his open arms tried to steady himself I grabbed the back off his head and jumped up, kneeing him full power to the head, finally he dropped but still wasn't out!   At this point I could see Lee pushing and pulling with his guy and then, lights, police lights.  I'd probably have been ok as it was self defence, but I was topless, covered in splatters of someone else's blood and with bruised and cut knuckles!   Not the best position I be caught in at 8pm on a Wednesday night!  

Purely by chance and by a piece of incredible luck I girl named Becky I'd met on the doors was driving past and had stopped to see the commotion.

"Dan!  Here quick your licence!"  She shouted at me.  This was way before current SIA licensing was in force but would still not have looked good. 

I legged it to her car and she headed off before the police pulled up asking if I was ok, "No, it's not my blood" I cheerfully replied still pumped with adrenaline.

"Jesus, well where do you live and I'll take you home, and what the hell was he on?"

To this day I'd like to know the answer to that one!