Monday 31 March 2014

So you think you can work a door?

Well can you?  Because these days it takes more than just being able to fight and stand your ground, in some cases new doormen can't even do that!  Last year I was working at a lovely pub in York and let me tell you, it was one of the easiest doors you'd ever hope to get, sure you're in the city centre and that's not the best for avoiding trouble but when your pub is a family friendly good home cooked grub with cask ales type of place, you can talk most undesirables out of even wanting to come in!  
Sadly though while I was there it was a two man door and nearly every person they sent us was bloody hopeless!  
A couple were nice and good doormen/women but sadly they only did a few cover shifts, and the rest?  Wow is all I can say, this isn't a slagging match as a few or all of the people involved have access to this and will probably agree with me!   First there was Mike, a nice lad and done the job for years, trouble was he was old school and bloody lazy by his own admission!  Still a good guy though wish he'd pulled his socks up!  Next was Andy, self tattooed and no idea why he worked the doors, shop security yes but the real world? I'm amazed he made it though puberty to be honest.  Then was Jack, wow is the best description, very young and probably quite intelligent but for some reason thought a little rugby experience meant he'd be able to be a doorman, a nice lad yes but after two shifts even the pub owner, a former doorman himself, sat him down and told him he thought he'd be better suited to finding a different job because he was gonna get himself hurt!  I mean he was hopeless and I wish him all the luck in the world but I just hope he's not still on a door somewhere!   Finally was Cameron, again a lovely lad and I've seen and heard of him standing his ground against a few big lads but sadly just nothing to him to look at, I mean proper skinny, he worked shop security during the days and was as keen as anything on that I'd heard him on the town radio and he clearly took it seriously but again I hope he's off the doors or has taken some serious martial arts training!

Doormen and Viagra ....

Well we're big kids after all so years ago when Viagra started to become commonplace a few of the lads may have been, ahem, spiked with the substance before a shift!   We learnt quickly to never accept a cup of tea or glass of water from anyone for fear of finding it hard to walk and in some cases I've heard of blue vision!   One doorman I knew decided to start talking it, not because he needed it but because it made it bigger!  So in his mind if he took it often enough then the skin should stretch and he'd always have a big cock! I think he's still alive but I'm grateful to say I don't know the results of said experiment! 
Last year though I found out that one of the meeter's and greeter's where I worked took them due to a high sex drive, and age I'm assuming.  He would quite often pull a girl and arrange to meet her after work and I remember one night seeing him take his magic blue pill just as we were finishing.  A few of us had decided to go for a quick drink when we finished so he'd allowed for this and planned to be away with her within half an hour.  An evil plan began to formulate as I positioned myself within arms reach of him in the bar and then began to talk, as he checked his watch I just smiled and blocked his exit saying,
"Oh I don't think so it should be kicking in about now shouldn't it, I think you're staying out a bit longer!"
I told a few people around us what I'd done so we kept him where he was until it was obvious he wasn't gonna find walking easy!

ID and the lies therein

Well they vary from the giggly white lie to the blatant whopper!   The most common is probably about age or how much they think they've had to drink!   When ID'ing people it's a good idea to ask their age as well as checking the date shown as you'd be surprised how many kids will lie and expect you to just look at the picture, not the date!  Some will even argue the point so convincingly that on occasion I've even doubted my maths!  
Quite recently I confiscated a fake ID from a girl who decided to start insulting me and my professionalism stating that her ID was a brand new type and it was disgraceful how I didn't know about it as it was my job to be aware of changes like this and how much of a hassle it was going to be for her to collect it from the police station.  I mean this girl was so convincing that she deserved an Oscar and did at one point made me question my decision in my head and I had to remind myself that Northern Ireland is actually part of the uk and the licences are the same!  Also it had no hologram when I used a UV light on it and looked cheap and nasty!  Needless to say when I showed a policeman later he didn't really need to take it! 
Of course the biggest problem with ID's I'd say isn't the fakes, they're easy to spot and most places I've worked only accept passports and driving licences, and not clipped passports either, there's a reason they make you change the picture after ten years so if you can't travel abroad on it then what makes people think they can use it to buy alcohol? Bewilders me sometimes.  No the biggest problem in my opinion is siblings, there are countless brothers and sisters out there who look so alike it's easy for a 17 and sometimes 16 year old to steal his or her siblings ID and then pass for 18!  After all why wouldn't we accept it they know all the details backwards, forwards and if they're really clever they'll take a bank card too so even if we check the names match on cards in their wallet it purse it's all legit as far as we can see!  I caught a girl out in Harrogate recently when I happened to be walking through the town centre one day and saw a girl I recognised from the club I work in, the trouble was she was wearing school uniform!  Now when she was out and with makeup she looked old enough bit you'd check her ID just to be sure so I made a mental note and, the next time she came in I checked her ID in the queue, it looked so like her but said she was 19? Still in school uniform?  Even a sixth former wouldn't be that old!  After challenging her on this she said I must have seen her sister in town who looks very similar to her, sadly love I said, With the hairstyle you have you'd have to be twins.  She left and didn't even try to ask for the ID back, one more to send to the DVLA and one more underager caught out!

Thursday 27 March 2014

Gay night in York

Well it's definitely different being a straight guy and doing security for a gay night I can tell you!  
There's a bar/club in York called Blue Fly which used to have a gay night on a Friday evening in the club, trouble wise there's very little usually just putting up with the bitchiness which is free flowing believe me!  I've never heard as many nasty little comments in my life as when I've stood on the front door there and listened to the conversations going on! 
On one night we had a few comical incidents which spring to mind starting with the two straight guys who were just in the bar downstairs.   The only toilets are on the top floor of the club so this couple of friends decided to go and use the cubicle to listen to some white powdered angels if you know what I mean!  The only trouble was they went in together right when I decided to take a leak and check the toilets.   The radios we had were useless but I used it anyway to let the guys downstairs know I'd caught two guys doing drugs and we were coming down, this was more for their benefit than mine, after all they weren't to know that the lads probably hadn't even heard me because they so badly needed servicing.  I issued my usual straight out the door guys and we'll leave it at that warning which worked fine, right until they got to that invisible barrier on the front door that makes some people freeze.  The first lad looked quite rough if I'm honest and just happy to leave with no fuss but his friend was a bit more well groomed, and cocky. 
"What if we weren't doing drugs?  What if he's my boyfriend, can we stay then? He ventured.
I didn't even have time to answer before his mate turned round and slapped him in the face! 
"We were doing coke!, don't you call me a puff!" He shouted as he stormed off down the street!  
Later that evening there was a fight inside, I use the word fight loosely but from what I can now gather was that one of the lads in a group had not liked another talking to some other guys so he'd half punched, half slapped him!  Real schoolyard stuff and certainly not doing the stereotype for young gay lads any good made worse when we escorted the offender out.  He left fine and walked off but left half a dozen skinny, whiney and just wet lads talking about the situation.  One ventured his opinion to me in a high pitched camp voice, 
"We'll you don't need to worry about him fella, and his boyfriends still upstairs, he's a bit upset but you don't need to worry about him either, and him, there walking after that guy, you don't need to worry about him either."
Something in my brain actually melted I think as I said
"I don't need to worry about any of you, you're all 8 stone wet through will you just go back inside please!"
Of course to a group of gay guys that was amazing because as one they replied "ooooooo!"
I sighed as they spoke quieter and started to move to the entrance and started to roll myself a cigarette to subdue the irritation when the lad who'd spoken to me noticed and said in a camp sarcastic way,
"Smoking on the door?  That's not very professional is it?" 
I looked him up and down, he was wearing trainers with camouflage trousers and an Ultimate fighting T-shirt, the only problem was he was literally 8 stone and looked ill, I mean borderline smack head territory!
"Sweetheart you're wearing army trousers and a cage fighting t shirt and clearly have never done either so big bag of shush for you yeah?"
No comment and he went inside!

Sunday 23 March 2014

The police and how they vary!

Now first and foremost this is not a slagging off of the police force, or service or whatever the politically correct term is as you're reading this more of just a few bits n pieces.
For the most part I've worked alongside some fantastic police officers over the years, I was chatting to a sergeant when I first went to Scarborough and told him how I really noticed how they worked with us and he commented that its so busy in Scarborough sometimes that there's limited police and doorstaff so if we didn't work together it wouldn't work.  So refreshing to hear that when I've personally dialled 999 in one other area asking for help the police never came, sorry but it's just a fact it's only or area but massively disappointing.
Again that's not to say other areas the police haven't been amazing towards us obviously Scarborough for one but also up in Newcastle when I first started on the  doors things were a little more, shall we say tasty, and self defence didn't come into it sometimes.
Thankfully these days in extreme situations doorstaff are permitted to use a first strike but unless you're prepared to stand in court saying and being able to prove that doing so prevented further harm coming to yourself or others it's just not worth it so you have to wait for the hit to come, back in the day thou ..... 
Well lets just say one night two lads had tried to get in the door I was on with another guy, even at the end of the street they looked like trouble and back then I was a little hothead who to be honest needed a crack to bring me back to reality sometimes!  On this occasion thou when I refused them and one guy became aggressive he tensed quickly I the spot to make me react, well I did I hit him.  Cue two mins of me and the guy I'm with putting them down and then having them lifted, sadly they decided to put all the blame on me, well it was pretty much me being overly aggressive yes but I guarantee they were the sort of guys who kick you in the head if you were down and scrapped every weekend so no biggie in my eyes.  They clearly knew a bit more than I did about the law, this is fifteen years ago and doorstaff didn't need to know the law then just be able to scrap when you had to so I could sense I was in trouble here, luckily though the officer dealing knew them and took me to one side looking me square in my eyes, nodding at me and saying "you were in fear for your life you say then?" 
Thank you very much for that, mental note made!
I did have a cheeky dig one quiet night in Leeds when a sergeant and newly badged lad were out on patrol.  I'd spoken to the sergeant plenty of times and he didn't look happy at all this night, when the new guy was chatting to my colleague the sergeant told me what a nightmare this guy was, straight arrow no life experience and way too much OCD, so in other words he was having to work properly!  The new guy was clearly pretty arrogant and didn't have much respect for doorstaff by the way he was talking to us so when he commented that he'd heard bouncers were just thugs really I smiled with a "actually we're highly trained intelligent thugs, cheers pal"
"Oh yeah?" He said, "what do you mean by that?" 
Nice, he'd bitten, time for a play.
I've always loved useless information so threw something at him,
"Well Ive had a decent education, certainly good enough to know where the word 'copper' comes from, do you?"
"Course" came the smug response, "it's from when we used to carry copper badges years ago"
I made the buzzer fail sound and reeled off "oh our survey says no!  Actually it's from the Latin capere which means to seize or 'capture',  what about something simple?  Policeman, does that mean then?"  The sergeant smiled at me but the lad cracked!  Clearly he must have known but was scared to say in case he was put down again so called me a smart arse and said come on then to his sergeant.  As they walked away I couldn't resist calling after him, "don't worry it does come from Latin too!  Politia! Polis! Greek cities mate so it's man of the city!"  I'm like a dog with a bone sometimes.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that ....

A lot of doormen don't show their fun side, some don't have one of course but most are just at work and paying attention, plenty of people have come up to me and told me to smile and asked me what's wrong, the answer, nothing at all I'm just at work!  I'll have a laugh and a joke and a sexy sidle up to an unsuspecting doorman with the best of them when I can but coming accross as a bundle of fun may make people smile at you more but we're not there for that and joking away isn't exactly off putting to any lads out for a scrap!  
That being said making customers laugh when they're not expecting you to have a sense of humour is all part of the job and you can build a good rapport with people by doing this.
Of course there's the flip side to having a sense of humour and that's being a bit cheeky and getting away with it, I've been hit in the face and replied "I've had harder sex than that, I'd fuck off now if I were you."  Not the best response but it felt right in the moment!
When you turn a cheeky goit away and they say "what's wrong with me?", I like the reply "would you like the list?"
Or in some cases "well it's just a multitude of sins really."
My best mate is a 6'3" ish DJ who looks like he's either sponsored by Nike air Jordan or has walked straight off the set of a hip hop music video.  Missing a front tooth and always sporting a baseball cap and matching sweatbands, that's not taking into account the mahoosive Ali-G coat he wears in winter, oh and he's white.  That's the truly awesome pro DJ L-ROK who once complained to me that every time he travels he gets stopped and searched!   My response to dear Russ, "look at you mate, you've gotta be guilty of something!"  I've since used that to the extra annoying on the door when required!
There's a generic response i use to the older generation who seem to always want to say, "are you going to ask for my ID ha ha."  Said deadpan I use,
"No im sorry i can't accept bus passes"
Of course there's the phrase I use to the nicer cheeky girls who come in, I swear it didn't start as a line, I said it to a girlfriend years ago and she didn't know whether to slap me or not and usually gets the same response, 
"sweetheart you're pretty, you don't have to talk." Said with a cheeky smile, and just out of range.
I also nicked a bit from an episode of blackadder which can be used to either really confuse the seriously inebriated or put down the people who look down their noses at doorstaff, when they say something they think is smart I use
"I'm sorry your confabulations are confounding me" and watch their faces twist as the brain tries to catch up! 
For the real cheeky little git who repeats everything back to you there's a scene in Red Dwarf I love, turn to your mate and say, "signs of primitive intelligence and mimicry, with patient tuition he could possibly master simple tasks!" 
As I've said, little pleasures get you though. 

Thursday 20 March 2014

Keeping myself amused

Well I've been told i look like an actor once or twice as I apparently have a resemblance to Michael Fassbender, no he's younger than me so it's the other way around thank you so very much!  
I do however love to do impressions and accents when I'm at work, it's probably my over active brain keeping me entertained but I love my films, I love making strange accents so therefore I love doing movie quotes in the correct accent!   I grew up in Scotland and I've moved around a bit too so I seem to be a bit of a chameleon with accents confusing plenty of people over the years by affecting a Scottish or South African accent for the evening and then changing it when people have just got used to it, sigh small pleasures eh although this did backfire once in Scarborough when a customer said something to me in Afrikaans, so I pulled my joker card and switched to Manuel from Fawlty Towers with a "Keh?" And a big smile!
As for the impressions I once did a silly meerkat impression towards a barmaid in Scarborough and managed for the next year to only do it when she could see it so no one else ever believed her! 
For some reason though I've always loved the Sean Connery, yesh, mish moneypenny, although I do tend to switch to the trainspotting version for my own amusement.  And mission impossible, nothing beats having that music and being dressed all in black, so many places to hide in a darkened nightclub.  Yes we're all just big kids.

Why shouting sometimes works

Usually a big no no because it's just gonna make any situation worse let's face it.  But this is a high pressure job and tempers do flare on occasion, something I'm guilty of as much as anyone much to my regret. 
There are occasions though when shouting can help, or at the very least buy you precious seconds while waiting or backup to arrive.  Basically it's shock tactics, when a fight starts follow the same principle as rugby, get stuck in and you're less likely to get hurt!  When two or more people are fighting charging straight into the centre pushing not hitting people out of the way and shouting
"What the hell do you think you're doing fighting in here!"  
This can and sometimes does cause multiple people to stop fighting and do as they're told!   Of course it works better in smaller situations as I once turned the corner in a club to see four guys fighting, I charged straight in shouting at them to stop as I did so, they did, and that was the point I noticed that they were all large African lads who appeared to be deciding whether to eat me or not!  Luckily backup arrived quickly in that case! 
The one time that does stick in my head was when I was at revolution in Harrogate, it was a typical busy weekend night and a scrap between two young men started right in front of me in the main room, I radioed for backup and got in the middle  separating them and with a raised but not yet shouting voice.   
A small circle opened up as bystanders naturally edge away from trouble and  all of a sudden another scrap between two older men started right next to me!  Same again i got in between them but shouting louder now which had the desired effect, turning to face the two young lads I'd already separated I saw one standing there and the other in a choke hold by an off duty doorman! 
Cue me shouting at him getting involved cos he wasn't helping he was having a bloody play!  I could see the rest of the door team making their way through the crowd so before anyone could start fighting again I shouted again!
"Right no more bloody fighting in here behave yourselves!" 
It bought me those precious seconds I needed for the guys to get there and help me take them out without anymore hassle so sometimes, it helps. 

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Fashion and it's consequences

Over the years bars have had to either change their dress codes following modern trends or risk losing custom, some bars and clubs think themselves above others and can therefore dictate their policies.  Whether this works or not is simple, they're either still open or closed down!
I've had to turn people away many a time for dress code violations, or making those violations up on the spot to give a reason why I don't want the particular person in, when actually all I'm thinking 
is, "TROUBLE!"  
More often than not people argue with you, usually about how much their trainers cost, well go for a run in them then!   Honestly if you think that wearing Nike Air's to a trendy club on a Saturday night when you're supposed to be dressing to impress is a good idea then you need to go home and rethink your life.
One of the fashion trends I've always hated though is the bloody jeans-half-way-down-your-arse-tied-tight-with-a-belt look!  I mean come on guys most of you probably need a wipe there's no need to get your ass out.
Luckily I worked at a bar once whose manager really hated it so banned it from his premises!  Fantastic, especially when the DJ who was one of the worst offenders, turned up on a Saturday night and was told to pull his trousers up much to our delight, but once he stepped inside he pulled them back down!   Well the two doormen I was with on the front door both looked at me and one said,
"Can we go in there and carry him to the DJ box by his jeans?"
"Yep, go for it" I replied
So they did, the scream as his crotch was clearly being split in two was heard in the street!

How quickly things can go bad

Very is the short answer.  It's easy to get drawn into a situation when someone's screaming in your face because you won't let them in or they have to leave because they're too drunk and keeping your cool is something that takes practice believe me and we're all guilty of snapping back on occasion!
Worse than getting drawn in though is the bad doorman, I was made head doorman at a new venue in Brighouse and on opening night we had 9 doormen, including our area manager working to keep the place safe.  Brighouse isn't the nicest of areas to be honest and it was a sports bar so we expected to have our fair share of trouble, particularly until we'd worked out just who we did and didn't want inside.  
Now our area manager used to be a doorman and in most people's opinions, a bad one, he wasn't that big but was overly aggressive and caused more problems than he sorted.  He only became an area manager cos he was quite smart but was what I'd describe as a sneaky little shit!   He was on the front door with another senior doorman and a regular doorman.  I was a few metres down the road on the phone to another doorman arranging more staff for the following night as it was clearly going to be very busy.  As I came back to the door the area manger was refusing a young girl, maybe 19, because she was too drunk.  No problem with that except for the way he spoke to her, she was complaining sure but when he called her a silly little slag the guy standing behind her, her boyfriend, happened to hear that!  He'd been standing quietly accepting the situation and even tolerating the way his girl was being spoken to but that was clearly too much and he stepped forwards demanding an apology.  The area manager refused and when the lad stepped forwards again asking to speak to the manager he replied "I am" and pushed the lad back hard into his girl knocking her over!
All hell broke loose because the group behind this couple were with them, around twelve people in total began to move on us so I reached for the radio and transmitted "all doorstaff front door now! management get a police unit!"
The fighting started slowly with the girls boyfriend lunging for the area manager and one of the other doormen wrestling on the floor with one of his mates.  The other senior doormen had already begun to help the area manager writhe his way free so I went to the doorman on the floor shouting who I was in his ear and pulling him back to his feet. 
The inside doormen had started to arrive now so I shouted to form a wall in the entrance so we could protect ourselves better as we were outnumbered.  The lad who'd been on the floor and the area manager were pushed inside as they were both hurt and needed attention.  We had to retreat inside the front doors slightly and I remember at one point having my back to the group attacking us and feeling some nasty punches to my shoulders and upper back.   We managed to form a wall at the front door and push people back some of whom started to disperse now as this had how on for maybe ten minutes at this point. Eventually the fighting stopped and we managed to calm down the girls boyfriend and get them to leave as the police still hadn't turned up!
Luckily no one was seriously hurt but that's out of total luck, thankfully I never actually saw that area manager again as 3 months later I was moved to run a door in Scunthorpe instead, and believe me it felt like a promotion!

Staff, ahem, "training"

I use the term loosely as in the old days staff training consisted of being able to get out of a choke hold or being able to protect your nuts from a cheeky back handed slap from one if your "mates"
In fact at one club I worked at when we closed if anyone shouted "staff training" all the glass collectors would run and hide!  This may have been because we used them as "demonstration models"
The worst I ever saw the choking and the sackings as they're called get was at the Olympics when at around 5am when we were at our quietest 16 of us who were waiting for a car to check had to stand and talk to each other in a large circle in the street so we could keep our eyes on each other for fear of the dreaded sack or choke out, one lad forgot to tap at one point and turned a funny shade of purple. 
Old school doormen are a funny breed and they are similar to a wolf pack with the alpha male being the head doorman and so on, the similarities don't stop there as the fight for top dog or "hardest" used to be commonplace and you could feel the tension in the air as someone would challenge someone else, usually verbally but sometimes things would get a little physical with a play fight turning a little nasty on more than one occasion.  Because I'm not the biggest doorman by any means, at my heaviest I was 85kg or around 13 1/2 stone, I had to choose my battles wisely, after all if you back down you lose face and in the old school mentality that means you lose respect too.  
One time an old school doorman had me in a bear hug, he was a large man and squeezing me smiling knowing it was starting to hurt, "whatcha gonna do now then?" He said.
Well in reality you've few options with a smashing head butt to his face being the best I could see but obviously didn't do!
No instead I used my brain and said quietly in his ear,
"You've proved your point it hurts, Which hip was it you had replaced again?  Be a shame if I got the wrong one when I punch it as hard as I can."
He put me down.

Monday 17 March 2014

The busiest half hour I've ever had!

Before the late drinking licences came in, I, like many doormen worked first in a bar then went straight to a club.  It was a regular Saturday night at revolution bar, nice n busy and not too much trouble.  When I finished at twelve I drove to Carringtons nightclub, changed from black to white shirt, had a quick smoke and went In at half twelve. 
It was busy and my main Job was to float around all the bars and help where needed, now back then with every room open Carringtons was over 1000 capacity and it was nearly full.  Everywhere I went I found people carrying on!  I'd walk round the corner into a fight and have to take one guy out the front while the other was taken out the back way to stop them fighting in the street.  I walked into the toilets and caught a guy doing coke, out the front door.  Several guys around the club could hardly stand, out the front door!  
Another potential fight so out one of them goes. This went on until I brought another drunk out to the main entrance and saw the manger and head doorman in discussion and looking at me, they motioned me over and said,
"Dan you've been here half an hour"
"Is it? That's gone slow I said"
"You've taken eleven people out, keep going like this we'll have no one left, you're not on commission you know!"

Kids nights, definitely different!

You don't see it as much these days but a lot of nightclubs used to have an underage night midweek, a good idea in principal but bearing in mind adults act like children when they get drunk and although we would never serve them alcohol, they just drink before they come in!  Obviously it's our job to weed out any kids who've had a drink but it's not as easy as you'd think when they down half a bottle of vodka two mins before coming in so you can't tell cos it'll take another ten mins to kick in! 
I do remember standing at the bar in a club one night and listening to a girl ask for two glasses, that's it no coke no lemonade just the glasses.  So I calmly followed her and removed the bottle of vodka she'd had hidden in her bag.
They can be a problem when they kick off too as when one lad maybe 16 years old, was kicked out of an underground nightclub I worked at for fighting inside, jumped down the steps superman punching the head doorman breaking his nose!  If memory serves two years later the lad suffered the same fate after kicking off, from the same doorman, karma's a bitch.
On one night I was standing talking to the DJ when a young lad picked up a girl and pulled off her skirt to reveal a tiny green g-string!   The DJ's comment,
"It'd be ok if she was wearing a sign saying I'm over 16 but I'm not sure she is"
I sighed,
"Yep I can feel the handcuffs tightening I'm going for a smoke"

How scared have you been?

Anyone who says I never have I never want to work with. Period.  If you're not scared sometimes you're either a liar or a psycho, the former will be found out when it kicks off and the latter won't have a job long!
Being scared is shit obviously but with time it can help you too, when your body is scared it's primal survival instincts kick in, adrenaline pumps through your body and your senses, and reflexes become heightened, it's all about trying to control the fear, not showing it until the jobs done and using it to your advantage.
I'm by no means the worlds best fighter, far from it, but I truly believe there's been times I've felt real fear and that's what's got me through.
I've been in a few terrifying situations over the years, I've seen street fights with over 30 people involved yards from me and I've worked doors in the past when people did come out "tooled up" as it were.  The worst that's happened to me when I've been hurt is being stabbed, twice on separate occasions and luckily for me only in the arm and hand and believe me when it kicks in afterwards what's just happened to you, jeez it's not good and I don't blame anyone for not getting back on the door after being hurt.
I'm not claiming I'm some sort of better person for getting back after a kick in at all, I know loads of guys who do just the same as me and some ill respect forever after getting badly hurt then bouncing right back to carry on as normal, make no mistake folks some of the guys in our trade literally put their lives on the line for strangers for minimal pay and usually little thanks.
I've delayed enough so onto the most scared I've been, I was working a one man door In a small town called Wetherby many years ago, it was early doors so only had a handful of people inside and one young couple were having a bit of a domestic in the middle of the room. 
Domestic arguments are always tricky and can turn on you really easily so I waited until it was obviously not gonna stop and was just getting louder.
I approached the couple saying I was sorry to interrupt and it was obviously personal so would they mind keeping their voices down or taking it outside.
Well the response came quick, the lad told me to fuck off and tried to bottle me!
His right hand came up and I blocked his arm as the bottle came down with my left and brought my right hand up to take the bottle and folded it back out of his hand. In retrospect I should have punched him as hard as I could with my right instead of taking the bottle as I hadn't seen his friends circle behind me.
They both grabbed my arms at the same time and pulled me back against the bar one on either side of me.  
The lad smiled as I stood there trying to struggle free, drop my body weight, anything not to be In this position cos the fear hit me all at once and it was terrifying I don't mind admitting because I knew what was coming.   He punched me in the face twice, luckily both times he didn't connect properly but enough to bust my lip and nose open.  Next he stepped back and kicked me in the balls, again I managed to twist slightly to minimise the hit but fuck me it hurt and I was finding it hard to stand, good job those bastards were still holding me eh.  He stepped back again came in with a big right hook to my temple which sent me rocking to my right hand side and the guy holding my arm let go!   I let fly the biggest back elbow to his face I could and threw all my bodyweight forward into the wildest haymaker I could at the lad who'd been attacking me, believe me martial arts and discipline was out the window I was terrified and swinging out of pure survival!   I connected with his shoulder pushing him back and his friend who'd been holding my left lost his grip and I half pulled half pushed him into his friend, I've no idea why I went forwards but I just put my hands out and rushed at them pushing them towards the door.  
Someone must have called or radioed the police as I genuinely have no idea how long this had all taken but I could see flashing blue lights coming through the doorway and windows, I remember checking behind me to see where the guy I'd elbowed was but he was nowhere to be seen so I can only assume he legged it out of the fire escape when he saw the police.  The lads were arrested and I pressed charges because I know the difference between a punch thrown in anger and someone who likes hurting people.  I survived not out of skill but out of pure fear. 
To this day that remains the only time I've ever received any compensation for any injuries too, £80.

Friday 14 March 2014

Feel good times

One of the reasons I keep doing this job is to help people, it really truly is as some of the best feelings I've ever experienced are from when I've helped someone in dire need.   They range from the simple getting yourself in front of the innocent party and taking the hit or dealing with idiots who like to grope and harass girls, to the carrying out of a girl who's hurt her ankle and is crying her eyes out and by the time you get her out is smiling again, awesome feeling. 
I've had a more extreme case thou when I was once called by a member of staff at a club to a friend of hers who was having a bad time of it, he had serious emotional problems and the staff member knew I'd also had a few emotional problems over the years so may be able to help him.  When I got to him he was in serious distress having massive panic attack about being locked up by the police as a danger to himself.  He'd had it happen before and had a crisis card with phone numbers of his therapist and doctors emergency contact so I did my best to calm him down and called them, telling them the situation and they said they'd send a non emergency ambulance as soon as they could.  
It was a quiet night in town so luckily I had plenty of time to talk to the lad and share my problems with him hoping to make a connection.  It worked and he went away calmly thanking me for me help.
It wasn't until a month or so later when a young lad all happy and smiley came up to me in the same club, I barely recognised him as the same lad until he started to thank me for my help and how telling him how id dealt with some of my issues had helped him too, definitely one of the highlights of all my years of working.

Have I ever lost it?

Now there's a frequently asked question of a doorman!  Yes of course I have is the short boring answer but I do have one I, ahem, got away with too.
I was on the door in York at a bar/club called Blue Fly.  It has a fenced smoking and seated area outside both it's entrance's and, due to space, that's where the doormen stand.  
Half way through one Saturday night I saw a fight break out between two men inside the cafe bar area so I went straight between them pushing them apart. I felt a dull thud on the back of my head and half dropped to one knee.  A bottle.  Time always appears to slow down due I the adrenaline in these situations and I remember half turning, raising my arm to guard against the next blow as I did so when one of the regular drinkers body checked my attacker, pushing him into the street.   We exchanged nods as I stood up and saw the two doormen I was working with take hold of the two fighters and separate them, stopping the fight.  Something in my head snapped as its not the first time I've been bottled from behind by some coward.  The fight was done and the guy who hit me was clearly friends with one of these blokes as he was shouting at his mate and hanging around for him, well my head took over and I shouted after the guy as I started walking down the street after him.
"Hey fella, like bottling someone from behind do you?  Look at you, you've a few stone on me and you do that?" 
"Dan, your licence" a member of bar staff called after me.  
I took my licence off and tossed it to him as I approached the guy.
"Come on then" I said "fists up, try it when I'm facing you" 
I raised my hands in a stance and jabbed at his chin with my left.  And he dropped!
I stared in disbelief at him on the pavement and said
"Is that it? Really?"
He stayed down and looked up sheepishly at me as his mate who'd been fighting came over.
"You want some too!" I snapped at him
Arms raised he shook his head and helped his mate up and off down the street.   Definitely not the right response these days folks but it earned me a bit of respect from the locals and maybe he won't do that again.

Attempted knifepoint robbery, in an Indian!

When I started working for a large door around Leeds bars and clubs closed a lot earlier, mine was at two am so we either went out for a few or, once a month or so, would all meet when we finished for a sit down curry and catch up.  There could be up to 30 doormen having a slap up meal in an empty restaurant in the middle of the night, still in our work gear chilling out the owner loved us, and why wouldn't he?  We have him loads of extra custom when he'd normally be closed and we never made a mess as we were sober! Well mostly.
It was around 3 on a Saturday night when we were relaxing, having food and chatting away when the front door burst open and two skinny youths brandishing stanly knives ran to the counter near the door where the owner was tidying away some menus.
They seemed to slow down mid run to a stop and in unison turned to face the, as they must have thought was empty, restaurant.
The room was silent as we watched as both their hands holding the knives dropped slowly to their sides and then, as one, sprint straight back out of the door into the night! 
The first snigger began a few seconds later then we were all in fits of laughter as the owner came to us all shouting "I love you all, nobody try steal from me again!" 
He started shaking out hands and a free round or two of drinks came our way, very nice of him it was too.   I wish we'd be able to see their faces which must have been a picture being greeted by a room full of shaven headed, mostly oversized men all dressed in black staring straight at them!

Drugs and the damage they can do

Well I've been asked to add a few more real stories and I'll answer a few commonly asked questions of doormen the best I can, one of which is, have you ever properly hurt someone?  Sadly the answer to this is yes and although when I was younger I liked a scrap like many young men do, I also had the disciple to know when to stop or when it just wasn't a fair fight.
Sometimes on the door though you come up against some tough guys just out to fight, sometimes they meet up with you off the doors too which is one reason many doormen band together because it's not paranoia if the really are out to get you! 
On one night out I remember I went out with my boss Lee, our mate James and their girlfriends for a few beers.  We had one drink in a small bar and headed into town from there passing by the front of a local strip bar, two lads and a girl where there trying to get in, but as they were closed they were being turned away.  They turned into our path and one of the lads instantly recognised Lee from the doors, and clearly had a problem.   Lee was more than capable of looking after himself against the youth so I turned my attention to his friend who was moving to the side out of Lee's sight, James challenged him and bang, took a right hook for his trouble which dropped him.  This guy then focused his attention on me and advanced towards me, as he came close he aimed a punch which I managed to avoid and pushed him back hard, he tripped and fell backwards then bounced back up and flew at me swinging punches!  I managed to avoid a few and, still facing him managed to "tie him up" as it were, this only resulted in wild head butts at me!  I stepped back and still holding him pushed down whilst bringing my knee up straight to his temple, should be game over but he just seemed to get stronger!  
I'd had to let go of him and as he stood up I saw his eyes, dilated pupils and anger was all I saw there, lord only knows what drugs he was on but he didn't seem to feel anything as I noticed the cut I'd opened on his head. 
I could see the Lee was gonna be having a fight any second and the girls were shouting and screaming and helping poor James up so I said "don't do it fella this is stupid"
I'd barely finished speaking when he came at me again.
It was a full on scrap, I remember taking a few knocks to my arms while guarding but this guy was all anger so I kept on hitting back as he came in, the trouble was I'd managed to batter his face with elbows, jabs and hooks and nothing was stopping him!
As he came in close he got a handful of my t shirt and ripped the whole thing off in one!   Coming back once again he wildly grabbed at me and for a moment lost his footing, as his open arms tried to steady himself I grabbed the back off his head and jumped up, kneeing him full power to the head, finally he dropped but still wasn't out!   At this point I could see Lee pushing and pulling with his guy and then, lights, police lights.  I'd probably have been ok as it was self defence, but I was topless, covered in splatters of someone else's blood and with bruised and cut knuckles!   Not the best position I be caught in at 8pm on a Wednesday night!  
Purely by chance and by a piece of incredible luck I girl named Becky I'd met on the doors was driving past and had stopped to see the commotion.
"Dan!  Here quick your licence!"  She shouted at me.  This was way before current SIA licensing was in force but would still not have looked good. 
I legged it to her car and she headed off before the police pulled up asking if I was ok, "No, it's not my blood" I cheerfully replied still pumped with adrenaline.
"Jesus, well where do you live and I'll take you home, and what the hell was he on?"
To this day I'd like to know the answer to that one!

Yawn rape in York

Not long ago I worked at a lovely little bar called the Blue Boar in York, it's a traditional real ale, good home cooked food type place so although trouble was unlikely, the pub is situated in the city centre so need's daytime doorstaff at the weekends to steer the teenage partygoers elsewhere till the evening!
On one Saturday afternoon it was cold and wet outside so I'd retreated just inside the main doors for a little warmth.  There was an elderly couple sitting yards away from me well past retirement age enjoying a quiet dinner together.  The old boy finished his food and leaned back in his chair letting out a huge yawn whilst doing so, with no word of warning his wife reached forwards and stuck her fingers in his wide open mouth giggling "hee yawn rape!"
Well I nearly died on the spot as the old boy spluttered and squirmed in his chair grumbling in a very Yorkshire way,
"Ya bugger ya"
His wife is still giggling away half at him half at me as the tears are nearly streaming at this point when he turns and says
"Would you mind if I take 'er outside and beat fuck awt of 'er" in the most deadpan, Zac Dingle from Emmerdale  Yorkshire accent I've ever heard. 
He smiles as Im visibly shaking, half-bent over, holding onto the door handle and manage to mumble
"Do what you like mate I clearly can't stop you!"

Tuesday 4 March 2014

But why? But why? But why?

Oh it's such a wonderful moment when a customer repeats the same thing over and over again.  And then does it again. And then again. 
Irritated yet?
Not even close to what we have to put up with sometimes.  There's every type of customer out there but one of the most irritating is the repeating whiner.
I remember being on the front door of a club in Scarborough a year or so ago and the night was drawing to a close when a girl, and I use the word loosely, came staggering to the front door.
At a glance from a distance she looked a mess but up close she looked even worse, makeup smeared over her face and clothes literally hanging off her in places.  She could be excused the staggering a bit because girls wear heels, but she was barefoot and as it had been raining earlier the dirt had started to soak up her tights leaving tide marks!  She must have been in her early 20s but you could easily add a decade on by how caked her face was with makeup. 
"Sorry love not tonight, I think you've had enough to drink already" I called out
"But why?" She mumbled as she approached looking worse and worse with every step.
"Because you've had a lot to drink already" I repeated
"But I don't understand why?"
Sigh, here we go.
Cue ten minutes of "why can't I come in" followed by, "because you're too drunk love"  
The club's smoking area was right next to the front door and even the customers there were getting annoyed with her now, her voice was getting increasingly whiney and high pitched and she nearly fell into the barriers when she turned her head and lost her balance!
I was considering calling the street Marshals to get her to a taxi when someone from the smoking area shouted  "just get lost will you!"
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand smearing lipstick further up her face and screamed "but why!"
Something in my brain snapped and I shouted back
"Because you came to kill Batman!  Now go home!"
And bizarrely, she did.